Archives for May 2008

Why Women Gain Weight After They Get Married

This article is a beginning. It addresses the emotional and logical reasons for weight gain. There is another aspect to it though. Energy.

I have written this article to show what it is that enables the Chakra energy centres to get out of whack. This usually happens slowly over time. Most women end up wondering where they went. They remember how they used to be, but they don’t know how to get it back because they have no energy.

Once recognized, women can use energy work and a balancing of the Chakras to get their old selves back.

I will be doing another article on how the Charkas work and which ones will likely need the most attention in order to balance the Chakras and begin to heal and get your old self back. For now, hopefully this article provides some explanation as to what is happening.

There can be a lot of different reasons for why a woman will gain weight after marriage, but most of them are not what people think. This is a very misunderstood subject. This article applies to a very large portion of the population. Please note though that there are exceptions to this, I certainly don’t want to paint 100% of the population with the same brush.

Women gaining weight after they get married usually has nothing to do with the fact that they have finally snagged a man, and they can relax now, they don’t need to `try` anymore. That must be the biggest MYTH of all! It is mostly a myth that men have made up to make themselves feel better.

Men change much more than women do at the beginning of a serious relationship (no matter what anyone tells you). Men change first without realizing it, and when the woman follows suit it usually manifests in such a way that she gets blamed for `letting herself go`.

Depression can cause a woman to gain weight. When relationships start, usually the man tries rather hard to impress the woman. Once married, a woman is no longer the centre of the man’s attention. Sometimes they don’t hear “you are beautiful”, or “I love you” as much. Even if the woman does get to hear the words, the man’s actions have changed and the words have less meaning than they had before. Women need to feel the words….as much as to hear them. Women are very feeling creatures. When they don’t hear the words and get the physical contact (hugs, holding hands etc.), they get sad. Women internalize things. The first place their head goes is to “what did I do wrong”, or “he’s bored with me already”.

Men generally focus on one thing at a time. Once a man ‘gets’ a woman to marry him, he can now get on with focusing on his next ‘task’. The focus will often switch to work (or home, or family/kids, whatever). He has successfully impressed his wife. He can now move on to the next thing. He can go out and work hard and provide for his new family unit. What a success, he’s done it!!! He has grown up and started a family.

At this point, many women just crash. Where has all the romance and love gone? He used to be so attentive and now he barely notices me?

Anger – Women want what they had before they got married.

Men got what they want – the woman. Its time for them to move onto the next thing on their list of things to conquer.

Women aren’t likely to ask for attention. At least not in a way a man can understand it. Women talk around an issue. If they don’t come right out and say EXACTLY what they mean, then men won’t have a clue. When women dance around the issue and aren’t clear about it then men will often dismiss what the woman has said.

Example: A woman says “we never go out anymore”. A man hears this, thinks about all the time they have spent together (the movie last month, dinner with the in-laws 2 weeks ago, the walk last weekend), and dismisses it as not true. She’s just talking nonsense. What she really means is that she would like to spend some more quality time with him and would like some attention and to feel important, however that’s not what she said so he did not hear it. Women think the man isn’t listening which equates to him not caring. That’s when they may start to get angry.

Women often need to hear words to help them feel attractive. When they are single, they are often around single men that give them attention. Now that they are in a relationship, the only person they want to hear that from is their man. He figures he doesn’t need to say it….after all, he wouldn’t have married her if he didn’t find her attractive.

Most women only want to attract the man they already have. Sometimes they even feel guilty if they get attention from men who are not their husbands. That’s not really what they want anyway. They want the attention from the man they love.

This may come as a surprise to a lot of people (or not), but a lot of men stop or slow down the amount of sex they want. Remember, they are focused on other stuff now. Work often takes the front seat and sex and intimacy go by the wayside. This can really mess a woman up. Especially because what is put out there is that men can never get enough. There are differences from person to person of course, and age has something to do with it, but when a man stops wanting sex it can really mess with a woman’s head. Most women want and like sex as much as men do! This is especially around the age of 40. Most women can’t get enough at 40. Most men at 40 think that sex is no longer important. Their testosterone levels have likely dropped and sex goes from #1 on their list of important things, right down to the bottom of the list. They often think “I’m mature now, not a kid anymore, sex doesn’t matter”.

Some women are actually afraid to get attention from men outside their marriage. They are afraid at what might happen if they feel ignored at home and someone starts to show an interest in them and help them feel sexy and alive again. They want that from their husband, not someone else.

This can be especially difficult if there’s not enough sex at home. If they are walking around wanting sex all the time they certainly don’t want to be tempted — they love their husband and he is what they want.

Other things that also happen in the more concrete sense when two people get married are as follows:

  • Women stop taking care of themselves, and start to take care of their men.
  • Single women take time for themselves. Whether its time for friends or for the gym. Once men are married and their focus goes elsewhere, women want to take all the time they can to be with them. Even if it means being at home at night with their husband sitting on the couch. They want the closeness. If they feel like they rarely get to see you, they don’t exactly want to take off for 2 hours three times a week to go to the gym, they would rather be with their guy.
  • Remember when you were dating and she said “If I ate like you I would weigh 250 pounds”.
  • Single women won’t eat dinner if they have gone out and had a big lunch. When they are married, they want to be able to sit and have dinner with their man. They will even sit down and eat with him if they aren’t hungry — just to spend the time with him.
  • The fridge and cupboards often get stocked with stuff that most single women wouldn’t even consider keeping around. If its there, they might eat it, but its not something they ever had around the house before they were married.
  • Women clean more than men. I know that there are exceptions to this, but women are actually programmed to see things that men don’t. They will notice the coffee stains on the cupboards, the pee around the toilet, the dirt off your shoes that is on the rug after you come in from work, the fact that the bedding needs to be washed more than once per year, not to mention all the extra dishes that need washing. When they were single, there was a lot less to wipe up in their home. It was much easier to keep clean. Often there were no dinner dishes, they didn’t need a big dinner, they ate their big meal at lunch, or snacked all day long.
  • Often when people are dating they will go to events on the weekends. Or they will hit the beach for swimming, or go hiking or just go for a walk to enjoy each other’s company. After marriage that stops too. The man is working to hard. He doesn’t have the energy to go for a hike. He’d much rather sit on the couch and watch sports rather than get out and be active with his wife.
  • According to Science World Magazine, a one minute kiss burns 26 calories. Remember when you used to kiss for 20 minutes (or sometimes much longer) before marriage. Thirty minutes on an elliptical trainer only burns 100 calories!!!!
  • Physically men and women are different. If a man wants to drop 10 pounds he stops drinking pop for 2 weeks. If a woman wants to drop 10 pounds she exercises an hour a day and stops eating anything tasty for 3 months…then if she’s lucky, she’s lost her 10 pounds.

A lot of overweight women eat at night. Whatever they can get their hands on most likely. All the crap that’s in the cupboard that she bought for him is all hers now!!

Sometimes it’s because is the first thing she gets to do for herself all day long. Its a reward, a way to relax. Other times it’s because she just wants sex and knows its not going to happen. May as well indulge in chocolate snacks (chocolate DOES release the same endorphins that sex does). Better to go lie in bed at night with a very full fat tummy, not feeling like moving, than to go to bed feeling sexy and horny and being rejected….again.

Other times a woman is just simply tired and eating is just something to do before bed. She eats without even really thinking about it. Its more of an autopilot thing. Her hubby is in on the couch watching TV and she wants some form of closeness with him. If she was single she’d have been asleep hours ago.

No wonder she gains weight. Depression and anger aside, her habits have changed to such a degree that there is no way her body could maintain its prior weight, it would be a physical impossibility.

This can be a vicious circle if left as is. Thankfully, it can be adjusted. Watch for the upcoming article on Chakras and Chakra Balancing.

This article was featured in The Tenth Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life.

Moving into Your Future

I just had to write an article on moving forward. I’ve had so many people pass through my life recently, friends and clients, that are suffering financially and wondering if they are truly doing the right thing.

I myself went through this a few years ago. I was working full-time for the government, with a good paying, responsible job, working my way up the corporate ladder. I figured if I got high enough up there I would be able to make a difference.

I also just happened to be a psychic. I did psychic readings on the side for many years, and just kept trudging along like that, figuring that it would last indefinitely. I had a pension plan, regular paycheque, seniority, the ability to work anywhere in the province, and most of all I had security.

Then it hit me. What was my true calling anyway? Like many others on earth right now no matter how hard I worked or how much work I brought home, or how many people I supervised and tried to help, I simply didn’t feel like I was doing all I came here to do. It was lucrative, yet it felt empty in so many ways.

I really enjoyed the psychic readings I did. I met so many people. Helped so many people. I was able to help more with my psychic readings than I was at the Welfare Office where I worked that’s for sure. My day-job felt so empty. It got to the point where I felt badly just getting up and going to work in the morning. Where was the difference I was supposed to be making in the world?

It seems like I meet people all the time who are in the position I was just a few years ago. Some are feeling a pull to do more, some have quit the rat race and have started their own thing, yet are still struggling. Where is the relief?

Many of us were taught that in order to have things we needed to work very hard and sacrifice. If there is no sacrifice there is no reward. These days, that just simply does not make any sense. Some of us still have family that tells us “your suffering is your own fault, if you just went back to work at a real job and got a paycheque your life would be so much easier”. This isn’t true for us as a species anymore.

The world is changing very quickly. We as the humans of earth right now are ascending with Mother Earth herself. Things cannot go on the way they always have. Lightworkers and scientists alike have now realized that we are the Creators of our own reality. There is the “Law of Attraction”, and we can and do create whatever we want. What we focus on expands. We need to get our focus away from the old words of “you must sacrifice and work hard to survive”.

Now, this is not to say that we sit around on our behinds all day doing nothing. What it means, is we are allowed to live our dream. We are allowed to leave the rat race and dedicate ourselves to helping others. We do not need to suffer anymore.

There are many people who think they have realized this. They make a decision. Say that they are ready to take whatever comes, they will change their lives and they will work to change and improve their own little corner of the world. So far so good. Off they go with all their good intentions, and nothing happens right away.

Panic sets in. “Oh no, what if I have made the wrong decision”. My debt load is going up. Income is sporadic at best at first. The doubt builds and builds. Each day, we doubt, and each day things seem to go downhill a little more. From the beginning, we have been doubting whether or not we’ve made the right decision. When things don’t happen as quickly as we would like, we start to think more and more about the past. How things were when we were ‘working’. Not mentioning of course that we are still ‘working’, just at something that we are more passionate about. And remember, we were taught from a young age that if we do not work and suffer, we will never be financially successful.

Maybe we should go back to our old job – “They might take me back”, we think. Or, at least “I know I can get a job doing the same thing as I was before”. Here’s where the Universe helps us out. Things get even trickier for us, especially financially — because that is where our focus is. Then, we may even get a job offer, or see a position advertised, or hear from a friend that someone is hiring. We would be perfect for the job! It is exactly the job we left that we were so good at.

Those of us that have become accustomed to thinking that there are no coincidences may think that it would be in their best interest to take that job. After all, Spirit has put it right in front of us. Who would we be if we didn’t listen. Maybe we are meant to go back to our old line of work. We do need to eat. The thing that many of us don’t seem to realize is that WE are the Creators. By being unsure of where we are going, by constantly questioning “are we doing the right thing”, we are creating our own financial suffering. Then the Universe gives us exactly what we have been asking for, which is more doubt. We create a job that we can go back to. Yes, we created it. Spirit did not place it in front of us. We created it because it is what makes us feel safer.

Now here’s the hard part. Can you turn it down? Do you want to live in your past? Repeat your past? Do what you have always done? Sell out? Go back to where you swore you never would? These comments are not meant to make you feel bad. They are the comments that we all have running through our heads when we are in this situation.

This is your chance. Your chance to make your decision, once and for all. Do you want to move forward or do you want to go back to where you were before. Its important that you know you cannot fail. No matter what your decision — you will NOT fail on your path in this lifetime. You can slow yourself down, experience different things, but you CANNOT FAIL.

I cannot make decisions for you, however, I can give you my insight into these situations. You need to make a decision, trust your decision, and stick with it. No doubt, no fear. You are supported. We all have helpers on the other side, they will never abandon you. You simply need to TRUST. Trust that you have made your decision. That the decision is correct, and that you will not go backwards. See where it is you want to be. Financially, spiritually, physically. See it and trust you will get there. Don’t worry about how you are going to get there. KNOW you will get there. You are supported.

As soon as you let go of the idea that you may need to go backwards, or that maybe you won’t be successful, you will see abundance like you have never imagined.

Choosing a Psychic

So, you’ve decided that you want to check out this “psychic reading” thing. Or maybe, you have been to a psychic before and would like to try it again.
How do you pick one? No one likes to get scammed. You are paying your hard earned money to get some insights, you don’t need someone to tell you that your stars are not aligned, or that you are looking for something or trying to figure out your life. Aren’t we all?

If you weren’t looking for something or trying to get insight or a different view into something, you wouldn’t be looking for a psychic in the first place.

One of the first things you need to do is to take a look at a couple of websites. Don’t be fooled by good marketing – some true psychics have expensive sites, some are maintained by the psychic themselves. What the psychic has to say makes a difference. Psychics are as varied as the rest of the population, each having their own special talents and their own way of communicating. Some psychics were born psychic, some became aware of their gift after a life altering event, and some have worked hard for a very long time to hone their ability to connect with Spirit.

Some use tools like tarot cards, runes or tea leaves. Others simply sit quietly and channel information from Spirit. How they do the reading does not matter, that you get something out of it does.

Any psychic that is any good is doing a reading for you because they truly want to help you with your path. Most genuine psychics are not getting rich from doing psychic readings. Some do better financially than others, but often it has more to do with their other endeavors, not just the readings themselves.

Everyone has their own intuition and gut feelings about things. It is important when choosing a psychic that you use yours. If you happen along a website and just feel a connection with someone then that person is definitely worth looking in to.

There are many good psychics out there, why not talk to one where you feel a connection?

Another thing to look at are testimonials. Yes, I suppose testimonials could be made up, but why would a good psychic do that? There would be no need. Testimonials, along with all the other things mentioned in this article can be a good indication of what you might get out of your reading.

Look for signals throughout their website. Words and phrases like ’empower’, ‘non-judgmental’, ‘help you make your own informed decisions’ (rather than ‘I will tell you what to do’), help you work through your journey (or path), are all signs of a true psychic. One who wants to help you, not help themselves to your money. If on their site they claim to be able to make other people behave in a certain way you would probably be better off to move on to someone else. Just as you have free will, so do your loved ones.

When looking for a psychic, be realistic, there are scam artists out there too (just as there are bad contractors, lawyers, mechanics and accountants, there are bad psychics). If, on your quest to find a good psychic, you come across any of the following, please move on and find someone else to be your guide.

  • Anyone that tells you that they can solve all your problems is flat out lying. They are preying on people who are desperate and have a problem (or problems) that feel too overwhelming to deal with on their own. No one can solve all your problems for you.
  • Anyone who adds charges over and above what you have agreed in advance to pay. I am not talking here about someone who has told you ahead of time that there is a charge to have a CD mailed to you, nor am I talking about someone who says there will be an additional charge for additional time or services. I am referring to a so called “psychic” who says “I just prayed for you, you owe me money”.
  • Anyone who mentions curses, or anything else out of your control. There are no such thing as curses. There are people out there who would like you to believe there are curses that can be removed for huge amounts of money, but it is just the money that they will be focusing on — how they can get it from you. Once they get some out of you, they feel they have you hooked and they will continue to tell you you are cursed and they will continue to take your money as long as you give it.
  • Ditto with lighting candles or praying for you. Its fine if a psychic says they are willing to do this for you — so long as they do not charge you for it.
  • If they tell you that you need readings on a regular basis in order to achieve your goals. Now, if you make the decision that you need more guidance that is fine. But a psychic should not tell you that you must ask them before you make your own decisions. You need to live your own life. Asking for help is okay, but a good psychic does not want their clients to become dependent on them for every decision that comes along.
  • Watch out for psychics who tell you that they “know”, beyond all doubt, what your future holds. You do have some control over your own future. Our futures are based on our actions. If a psychic sees something in your future, positive or negative, you have control over whether or not you allow it to happen.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when looking for and then consulting a psychic is that you still need to live your own life and make your own decisions. Psychics are “guides”, they are not your decision makers.

If you have a decision to make, yes, a psychic can tell you what the possible outcome of the decision may be. They cannot tell you what decision you will make — that’s up to you.

True psychics want to help you on your path, want to make your life easier, give you some insights, help you feel better about whatever it is you are going through. Sometimes to give a bit more meaning to what it is you are experiencing. Psychics generally do not want to scare you. They aren’t going to tell you that you will be cursed forever if you don’t do what they say. That’s not why God gave them the gift.

If you remember nothing else, remember this: A good psychic does not want to control you or your life, they want to help you to have control over your own life, and to realize your own potential.