This article is a beginning. It addresses the emotional and logical reasons for weight gain. There is another aspect to it though. Energy.
I have written this article to show what it is that enables the Chakra energy centres to get out of whack. This usually happens slowly over time. Most women end up wondering where they went. They remember how they used to be, but they don’t know how to get it back because they have no energy.
Once recognized, women can use energy work and a balancing of the Chakras to get their old selves back.
I will be doing another article on how the Charkas work and which ones will likely need the most attention in order to balance the Chakras and begin to heal and get your old self back. For now, hopefully this article provides some explanation as to what is happening.
There can be a lot of different reasons for why a woman will gain weight after marriage, but most of them are not what people think. This is a very misunderstood subject. This article applies to a very large portion of the population. Please note though that there are exceptions to this, I certainly don’t want to paint 100% of the population with the same brush.
Women gaining weight after they get married usually has nothing to do with the fact that they have finally snagged a man, and they can relax now, they don’t need to `try` anymore. That must be the biggest MYTH of all! It is mostly a myth that men have made up to make themselves feel better.
Men change much more than women do at the beginning of a serious relationship (no matter what anyone tells you). Men change first without realizing it, and when the woman follows suit it usually manifests in such a way that she gets blamed for `letting herself go`.
Depression can cause a woman to gain weight. When relationships start, usually the man tries rather hard to impress the woman. Once married, a woman is no longer the centre of the man’s attention. Sometimes they don’t hear “you are beautiful”, or “I love you” as much. Even if the woman does get to hear the words, the man’s actions have changed and the words have less meaning than they had before. Women need to feel the words….as much as to hear them. Women are very feeling creatures. When they don’t hear the words and get the physical contact (hugs, holding hands etc.), they get sad. Women internalize things. The first place their head goes is to “what did I do wrong”, or “he’s bored with me already”.
Men generally focus on one thing at a time. Once a man ‘gets’ a woman to marry him, he can now get on with focusing on his next ‘task’. The focus will often switch to work (or home, or family/kids, whatever). He has successfully impressed his wife. He can now move on to the next thing. He can go out and work hard and provide for his new family unit. What a success, he’s done it!!! He has grown up and started a family.
At this point, many women just crash. Where has all the romance and love gone? He used to be so attentive and now he barely notices me?
Anger – Women want what they had before they got married.
Men got what they want – the woman. Its time for them to move onto the next thing on their list of things to conquer.
Women aren’t likely to ask for attention. At least not in a way a man can understand it. Women talk around an issue. If they don’t come right out and say EXACTLY what they mean, then men won’t have a clue. When women dance around the issue and aren’t clear about it then men will often dismiss what the woman has said.
Example: A woman says “we never go out anymore”. A man hears this, thinks about all the time they have spent together (the movie last month, dinner with the in-laws 2 weeks ago, the walk last weekend), and dismisses it as not true. She’s just talking nonsense. What she really means is that she would like to spend some more quality time with him and would like some attention and to feel important, however that’s not what she said so he did not hear it. Women think the man isn’t listening which equates to him not caring. That’s when they may start to get angry.
Women often need to hear words to help them feel attractive. When they are single, they are often around single men that give them attention. Now that they are in a relationship, the only person they want to hear that from is their man. He figures he doesn’t need to say it….after all, he wouldn’t have married her if he didn’t find her attractive.
Most women only want to attract the man they already have. Sometimes they even feel guilty if they get attention from men who are not their husbands. That’s not really what they want anyway. They want the attention from the man they love.
This may come as a surprise to a lot of people (or not), but a lot of men stop or slow down the amount of sex they want. Remember, they are focused on other stuff now. Work often takes the front seat and sex and intimacy go by the wayside. This can really mess a woman up. Especially because what is put out there is that men can never get enough. There are differences from person to person of course, and age has something to do with it, but when a man stops wanting sex it can really mess with a woman’s head. Most women want and like sex as much as men do! This is especially around the age of 40. Most women can’t get enough at 40. Most men at 40 think that sex is no longer important. Their testosterone levels have likely dropped and sex goes from #1 on their list of important things, right down to the bottom of the list. They often think “I’m mature now, not a kid anymore, sex doesn’t matter”.
Some women are actually afraid to get attention from men outside their marriage. They are afraid at what might happen if they feel ignored at home and someone starts to show an interest in them and help them feel sexy and alive again. They want that from their husband, not someone else.
This can be especially difficult if there’s not enough sex at home. If they are walking around wanting sex all the time they certainly don’t want to be tempted — they love their husband and he is what they want.
Other things that also happen in the more concrete sense when two people get married are as follows:
- Women stop taking care of themselves, and start to take care of their men.
- Single women take time for themselves. Whether its time for friends or for the gym. Once men are married and their focus goes elsewhere, women want to take all the time they can to be with them. Even if it means being at home at night with their husband sitting on the couch. They want the closeness. If they feel like they rarely get to see you, they don’t exactly want to take off for 2 hours three times a week to go to the gym, they would rather be with their guy.
- Remember when you were dating and she said “If I ate like you I would weigh 250 pounds”.
- Single women won’t eat dinner if they have gone out and had a big lunch. When they are married, they want to be able to sit and have dinner with their man. They will even sit down and eat with him if they aren’t hungry — just to spend the time with him.
- The fridge and cupboards often get stocked with stuff that most single women wouldn’t even consider keeping around. If its there, they might eat it, but its not something they ever had around the house before they were married.
- Women clean more than men. I know that there are exceptions to this, but women are actually programmed to see things that men don’t. They will notice the coffee stains on the cupboards, the pee around the toilet, the dirt off your shoes that is on the rug after you come in from work, the fact that the bedding needs to be washed more than once per year, not to mention all the extra dishes that need washing. When they were single, there was a lot less to wipe up in their home. It was much easier to keep clean. Often there were no dinner dishes, they didn’t need a big dinner, they ate their big meal at lunch, or snacked all day long.
- Often when people are dating they will go to events on the weekends. Or they will hit the beach for swimming, or go hiking or just go for a walk to enjoy each other’s company. After marriage that stops too. The man is working to hard. He doesn’t have the energy to go for a hike. He’d much rather sit on the couch and watch sports rather than get out and be active with his wife.
- According to Science World Magazine, a one minute kiss burns 26 calories. Remember when you used to kiss for 20 minutes (or sometimes much longer) before marriage. Thirty minutes on an elliptical trainer only burns 100 calories!!!!
- Physically men and women are different. If a man wants to drop 10 pounds he stops drinking pop for 2 weeks. If a woman wants to drop 10 pounds she exercises an hour a day and stops eating anything tasty for 3 months…then if she’s lucky, she’s lost her 10 pounds.
A lot of overweight women eat at night. Whatever they can get their hands on most likely. All the crap that’s in the cupboard that she bought for him is all hers now!!
Sometimes it’s because is the first thing she gets to do for herself all day long. Its a reward, a way to relax. Other times it’s because she just wants sex and knows its not going to happen. May as well indulge in chocolate snacks (chocolate DOES release the same endorphins that sex does). Better to go lie in bed at night with a very full fat tummy, not feeling like moving, than to go to bed feeling sexy and horny and being rejected….again.
Other times a woman is just simply tired and eating is just something to do before bed. She eats without even really thinking about it. Its more of an autopilot thing. Her hubby is in on the couch watching TV and she wants some form of closeness with him. If she was single she’d have been asleep hours ago.
No wonder she gains weight. Depression and anger aside, her habits have changed to such a degree that there is no way her body could maintain its prior weight, it would be a physical impossibility.
This can be a vicious circle if left as is. Thankfully, it can be adjusted. Watch for the upcoming article on Chakras and Chakra Balancing.
This article was featured in The Tenth Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life.