Archives for October 2010

Don't Let Anyone Tell You You Aren't Happy

There’s so much talk these days about what makes people happy.  Its on the news, in advertisements, at work, in self-help books, and all over the Internet.  It has to do with daily activities, work, relationships, money, what we do with our days, the list is endless.  We are constantly bombarded with messages that tell us that we too can be happy.  if only we have this, do that, or live our life in a certain way.

It takes a lot of different types of people to make the world the place it is.  We all have our roles to play.  Because of the people I know, the time I spend on-line, and because I have a blog, I am constantly hearing how I can make my blog friendlier for search engines, how I can grow my blog, sell things on my blog, all in order to make a lot of money.  

For the sake of full disclosure, I sometimes get a commission for some of the things I refer, but that is not the reason I suggest certain things.  I refer things that I like, admire, respect, and think will be helpful to people.  If I earn something from it that is a bonus for me.  I write my blog because that is what I feel drawn to do.  Some ‘bloggers’ tell me I need to make more money off of my blog to make it ‘worth it’.  I can say that the feedback I get from my blog makes it worth it, and it makes me happy.  But, I’ve had people tell me that I could be happier if I just did it their way.  Thing is, I am truly happy now. 

I hear all the time that self-employment is the way to go.  We hear “be your own boss” all the time.  We are told if you have to answer to someone else, whether it be in an office, or on a construction site, you cannot possibly be happy.  Work for yourself and you will never have to deal with a boss who’s a jerk again! 

This isn’t always the case though.  A lot of people I know are really happy to be working for someone else.  They go to work, they come home, they enjoy their life.  A lot of them even have nice bosses and positive work environments.  Some make really good money, some make average money, some make very little money, but if they (you) are happy, what difference does it make. 

Working for yourself isn’t always the end-all-be-all of wonderful things.  There have been many times over the past 6 years since I quit my day job where I wasn’t sure if I had enough money to make the mortgage, never mind feed my family.  For a lot of people, this type of stress would make them very unhappy.

I know a handful of wonderful women that are stay-at-home moms.  When I was in my 20’s and was working my way up the corporate ladder I truly did not understand women like that.  Didn’t they have any goals?  Didn’t they want to be successful?  They seemed happy, but how could they truly be if they weren’t working, making an impact in the world.  Of course I know better now that I am a mom too.  I work at home and I know just how precious the time with my son is.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Now, rather than wonder about women like that, I admire them.  It takes a special type of person to be able to truly embrace being a parent.

I lived alone for most of my adult life until I met my husband.  I was 38 before I truly allowed someone into my life and into my living space.  I was (usually), very happily single.  Some people couldn’t understand how I could possibly be happy on my own.  Well, I’d had a few disastrous relationships and I truly was happy on my own.  I made plenty of money to support myself, I had a lot of friends, lots to do, a great job, a pretty good life. 

Now I am happily living with and sharing my life with someone that I respect and adore (as he does me).  Now I have people asking me how I can possibly be this happy when I have to share the life, and moods, and habits of someone else.  I have some women acquaintances that are constantly complaining about their husbands (or boyfriends) and they just don’t understand how I could be happy.

I started reading a book by Jack Canfield (The Success Principles, How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be), and I have to admit, that I am almost finding parts of the book to be depressing.  This is just me personally, this I know.  Everything is a matter of perspective, but it is really making me think.  Could I be more successful?  Could I write a best-seller, or do more readings, or send the audition tape to the person in California who asked me to?  Why yes I could.  With enough determination and hard work I could pretty much do anything (as could you). 

But do I want to.  Do I need to.  I don’t think I do.  Not today.  Next week, month, year or decade, I could decide I want to head in one of those directions.  But right now when I think about it, all it does is stress me out.  I like being with my family, I am a homebody by nature, I feel happy and successful.  Right this minute I don’t want to go anywhere.  Except for maybe my trip to Phoenix for the Celebrate Your Life Conference in November.  I am looking forward to being inspired and having a weekend away, check it out, maybe you could go too.

Reading that book almost made me feel like what I was doing wasn’t enough.  (I can’t stress enough that this is my perception and my baggage that was creating that feeling for me).   If you are feeling like you are stuck and want more out of your life, then this book is an amazing tool for acheiving success in your life. 

I guess my point for those of you that are reading this is that you need to do what makes you happy.  Not what some book, or society, or your friends, or family, or anyone else says.  It is your life, and if you are happy, continue to embrace that and don’t worry about what the neighbours or anyone else thinks.

Sometimes Its Hard to Let Go

That is so true.  Often, we know that something is not good for us but we just can’t seem to let go of it.  This applies to people, jobs, attitudes, past hurts, excess weight, the list is endless.

We do have ultimate control over our own lives, but sometimes our brain takes over and we repeat thoughts and feelings over and over in our head.  We know we should be affirming something else for ourselves, we know that we should let go, but we just can’t seem to do it. 

So, how do you begin to let go.

The first thing you need to do is recognize that there is a need to let something go.  If there is anything in your life that is causing you pain, it needs to be let go of – life is not meant to be painful.

Secondly, you need to realize that it is not an easy thing to let go of something that has been in your life a long time.  It becomes a part of who we are.  There is no sense in engaging in negative self-talk.  You are human after all and your habits become your reality.  So, stop telling yourself you are stupid or weak for not being able to do it easily.

The third step involves just being willing to give something up.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that right this second, you are going to give up something that you have been experiencing for a long time, but you need to be willing to give it up.  If you have the same thoughts running through your head over and over again, just affirm that you are willing to try to think different things.  

Which brings us to the fourth step.  You don’t have to let go all at once.   With some things, what happens is that if you try and do it all at one time, and you find yourself faltering, you tell yourself that you just aren’t good enough, or just can’t do it, and you give up. 

The fifth step is to realize that it is okay to ask for help to move on.  When you find that you are obsessing over something, ask for help.  Whether it be through prayer or asking your guides, or God, Angels, Ascended Masters, or whoever you believe is there to help you.  You don’t always have to start out with an action.  You can start out with an intention.   Just as your mind can keep you stuck with something in an endless loop, it can also be used to unstick you.  Thoughts become things. 

Once you have recognized the need to let go; accepted that you are ‘normal’ and ‘human’ and have stopped putting yourself down; and affirming that you are willing to give it up; start to slowly let go, one day, one step at a time; and learn to ask for help when you feel like you just can’t do it alone; you will be well on your way to letting go and moving on with the more enjoyable parts of your life.

Why does it sometimes take me so long to get back to you?

If you have never tried to contact me before, please do not be put off by that title. It doesn’t always take me a long time to reply to e-mails. Occasionally, I even reply to them within minutes of receiving them, that is, if I happen to be sitting at my computer.

If it takes me a while to get back to you, please do not take it personally. I do everything I can not to get your ‘stuff’ when I get your e-mail so it is very very rare, when I get an email and think – ‘that person has weird/bizarre/negative energy, I better not engage their energy’. As a matter of fact that has happened probably a total of about 3 times in my life. If you take into account that I get hundreds (maybe thousands, I’ve never really counted them all) of e-mails a year, if I haven’t got back to you in a timely manner it likely has more to do with me than it does to do with you.

I am forever talking about us creating our own reality.

Here is the reality I have tried (and mostly succeeded), in creating.

  • I want to be healthy
  • I want to stay at a healthy weight for me
  • I want to be awake (I suffered from fatigue for a lot of years and barely had a life at all)
  • I want to be there for my family
  • I want to hang out with my 10 year old son every chance I get before he decides he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore
  • I want to watch all my son’s soccer games
  • I want to have time alone with my husband
  • I want to be able to ride my horse at least a few times a week
  • I want to have a job I like, and I want to appreciate my job and my clients
  • I want to have energy
  • I want to be able to make my own hours
  • I want to be able to have a nap in the afternoon if I feel like it
  • I want to be able to write or do e-mail readings in the middle of the night or at 4 a.m. if that’s what I feel like in that moment
  • I want to be able to go out for lunch or shopping with a friend once in a while
  • The list could go on and on and on.

    The way I have set things up for myself is simple. If I am too tired to sit at my computer, or to reply to an email or to do a quality reading, I won’t do it. Its pretty easy and straightforward.

    Some people may think that this means I do not care about you. That couldn’t be farther from the truth actually, I do care. I have just chosen to care about myself as much as I care about you. That is a hard one for a lot of people to get their mind around. Self care. Wow, aren’t we supposed to put others before ourselves?

    Yes and no. I put my son and his needs before my own (only to the extent that me being his mother requires though). If he wants me to help him clean his room or do his laundry (hardly life threatening), and I want to go to the barn and ride my horse – my needs come first. If he wants me to fix his dinner because he just played soccer for four hours and I’m sitting and reading a book, I would likely put his need for dinner before my need to relax. It is all about priorities.

    Here I am almost getting off-topic again. I’ve always got so much to say, it is sometimes hard for me to just “get to the point” (something my wonderful husband can certainly relate to I’m sure).

    Back to replying to e-mails and such. Two years ago I was in really rough shape. I could not do more than one thing a day, usually in the morning. Which meant, if I did readings in the morning, I could not vacuum the house (as a matter of fact, I usually didn’t even have the energy to fix myself lunch). If I went to the barn to ride, I would do so and come home and sleep. If I had to go out in the evening, I did nothing all day and then had a nap that afternoon just so I had enough energy to leave the house. I weighed 30 pounds more than I do now, I was pale, had black circles under my eyes all the time, was impatient with my family, and felt horrible almost every day. I ended up taking about 8 months off from doing any readings at all.

    I took some time for me and got myself healthier. I worked with my naturopath, my doctor, my family, and my guides. I got some rest, I meditated a lot. I actually took some time out for myself.

    This leads me to here. For the most part I feel good on any given day. As I wrote above, I have the reality that I have worked for years to create. Sometimes the creation process felt hard, sometimes it felt easy. Most of the time whether it was easy or difficult was just the way I was perceiving it at the time.

    The simple reason for me occasionally taking my time to get back to you is that I am caring for myself too. I don’t have an assistant that can get back to you. I have tried auto-responders but that didn’t work for me. More often than not I do not know how I will be feeling, or what I will feel like doing three weeks from now, so I don’t like to book that far in advance.

    When I have a day or a few days where I am doing a lot of readings it tires me out. Plain and simple. I used to think that if I was so good at creating my reality and if I was so practiced at energy work I should be able to simply connect to Source Energy and voila, I’d be fine.

    Fact is, they tire me out. Sometimes I become a bit of a hermit for a few days (or longer). Don’t talk to anyone on the phone, don’t go out of the house. Just sit and flop and rest. Can’t even get my mind and energy around writing or reading or hanging with my family or riding my horse. I just flop, zone out and regenerate.

    I don’t mind doing this sometimes. One of the reasons I came here on this trip to Earth was to do my readings. I want to help people, I like my work. I have just made a concious decision that I cannot do this every week of my life. In the past few months I actually felt like I had “got a life”. Its a really nice feeling, and I would like to keep it. Had I kept doing what I was doing a couple of years ago I would likely either be in a hospital or a loony bin, or just sitting on the couch doing nothing, weighing 600 pounds. The years I have left to share messages would be gone. At the rate things are going now, I will likely be writing and sharing and educating for many years to come. I like that reality a lot better than martyrdom and thinking that I always have to put others first, even to the detriment of myself.

    Creating and Relationships

    You create your own stuff…all of it.

    I once had a client tell me, “you told me I would not be happy for another 8 years”. I said, “What?!?” I would never say that to anyone, ever.

    We create our own happiness.

    After asking the client to elaborate on what it was I told her, she said “you told me I would not be in a nice comfortable relationship until I felt better, and that in about 8 years time I would be in a very happy place and co-habitating with the love of my life”.

    Well, I can tell you, one of the reasons why this client is going to take so long to find a happy relationship is that she thinks that she cannot be happy without one. You have to be in a good space yourself before you can find a truly decent partnership. No healthy, well adjusted individual wants to get into a relationship with someone who thinks that a relationship is the only thing that can make them happy.

    What a load to put onto someone. I am unhappy now, so please come into my life and fix all my problems and make me happy. Every thing you do, and every move you make has to be done with the express purpose and intent to make me happy. That is a pretty tall order, even for a wonderful, loving human being.

    Think about that for a minute. Here you are, going through your life, and thinking that you are miserable. If only you had someone to share your life (your misery), with, you would be happy. That is an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

    Would it not be easier to just find yourself a happy place and be (mostly) happy on a daily basis, and have a happy, well adjusted individual find their way into your life? I have had clients tell me that if the person they are asking about is not the one, then “I give up, I will never be happy”. This is the decision they have made for themselves.

    Anything I see can be changed – ANYTHING. Knowledge is power, and if you have been given a message from Spirit, you have been given additional knowledge. You can take that knowledge and act on it, or do nothing. Your actions can be positive (coming from a high vibration) or they can be negative (coming from a dense energy vibration).

    You can make any choice you want. You can choose to say “I will never be happy”, or “I won’t be happy for X amount of years”, or you can chose to say, maybe I should change something about my present attitude, outlook and circumstances, and so I can find someone to share my life with sooner”.

    No matter which you choose you will be creating your own reality.

    You can make the choice to do some healing work, see what might be keeping you from having the relationship you want. You can look at where you are at right now. You can look at where you are headed. You can then consciously change some of your decisions and the daily things you do and change your future. Period.

    Some of you who are not happy with what Spirit has said about you finding a good relationship are in that spot not because of what you are trying to find, but because of what you are not willing to give up.

    You are not willing to give up a man (or woman), who is not available to join you in a positive experience (they are married to someone else, abusive to you, abuse drugs/alcohol, the list of unavailable reasons is long) or, you are not willing to give up your baggage from past experiences, or you are not willing to give up on your own need for misery (or negative thinking), or your belief that you cannot be happy without someone else. You will not give up on the mindset that you are an incomplete person and will not be happy under any circumstances unless you are in a relationship. To be happy with someone else, you must be comfortable with yourself.

    Nothing that I, or any other psychic tells you is ‘set in stone’. I know beyond any doubt that we have choices while here on earth and our day to day choices create our reality. If you are told from me, or any other psychic, that a relationship is a while off yet, perhaps the best question to ask yourself is: “How can I be happy in the meantime, and perhaps attract a positive experience and/or relationship into my life sooner”. It really can be that easy.

    With love, as always, Tamara