It never ceases to amaze me how many of us have a hard time acutally giving to or investing in ourselves.
I was there. I have changed it and my life has changed for the better. I am happier, healthier, have more positive, uplifting, quality time with my family and am busier than ever doing work that I love.
I know many women, both clients and friends, that never seem to take time out for themselves or to make themselves a priority. Everything and everyone else always seems to come first.
I know men that are in the same boat too and that will relate to this post as well. Just know dear sirs, that I am a woman and I often write things from a woman’s perspective. Also note, that over 80% of my clients are women. If you are a man, and you relate to this post, then I welcome your feedback from a male perspective. Please, just do not be offended because of the way it is written.
There are exceptions, but a common theme that I have seen is that women do not value themselves as much as they could (partly because of ‘society’, but this is another post altogether). I talk to many women that do not work outside the home. Like myself, many of them used to be career women and decided to devote themselves to family after getting married and having children. Some of these women treat ‘motherhood’, or ‘familyhood’ much like they approached their careers.
They have a need to prove themselves. It is especially hard if they do not feel as if they are contributing financially to the household. Some of them will overextend themselves to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion just to prove that they are worth something. They feel that their mate works hard so they must work hard too. The thing is, that when a woman does not feel a high self worth she sometimes will work 24 hours in a day (unpaid), just to help herself feel better.
Many of you who are in this situation end up being very burnt out. You run around constantly saying how busy you are, how unappreciated you are, how much you have to do… all in the hopes of justifying the fact that you are not bringing in money.
Much of the time, when I talk to someone in this position, they really want more for themselves. Their days are full and busy but they feel that something is missing. Sometimes they don’t even know what they want. They are so accostomed to thinking about what everyone else wants and needs they have no idea what they want or need.
Some I talk to would like to invest in themselves, whether it be to take a class, or have a massage or just a vacation. What I see happening a lot of the time, is that they talk about wanting these things but they don’t do it. They might say “yes, but we don’t have the money”, or “I can’t do that, my family needs me”, or “maybe one day, once everyone else has all their needs met, then I will take a little for myself”, or “my husband needs”, or “my kid(s) need”.
Sometimes it really is best just to take something for yourself rather than having it forced upon you. I know people who talk about taking a break, or needing some down time, all the while they say “I can’t”. Then they end up getting sick. They may catch a cold that lasts two weeks and they simply cannot keep up the pace and they may finally ask for some help, and may finally get some much needed rest.
I have known people in this situation that have wound up in a car accident. They end up having to spend a lot of time and money on massages, or chiropractic, or accupuncture, or… the list goes on. They end up getting a rest, and also spending money on themselves. It is what they had been dreaming of for months or weeks or days. The unfortunate part, is it took an accident, or an illness in order for them to justify taking what they needed.
For some of you, if you look deeply you may see that his has been a trend in your life. Are you ready to get off this roller coaster of feeling badly? What if, just once in a while you actually allowed yourself to take something, anything, just for you? I am betting that you would feel better in the long run.
It is much like any other job. You need your tools and supplies to be in good working order in order to do your job correctly. If you have chosen to be someone who is a caregiver to your family, your tools and supplies are YOU. If you give yourself rest, and fun, and relaxation (maybe in the form of a massage, or yoga, or just reading a good book), then YOU, will be better able to do your work ~ and hopefully feel good about it.