CFS, Autoimmune Diseases, Fibromyalgia and Friendships…

I have read a few articles circulating on Facebook the past week that walk you through “what a real friend” looks like.

One of the things I have noticed that these articles have in common is that they will say, “If your friend is constantly too busy or too tired to get together, they are not a real friend, we are all busy and tired”.

I wanted to write an article on that subject but with a bit of a different spin on it.  I am what those articles would call a “shitty friend” for lack of a better way to put it.

Thing is, I have suffered from adrenal fatigue and some weird sort of an autoimmune disorder for years.  For the most part I often feel healthy and happy and I have learned to live with it when I don’t.  I am so happy and grateful that in the past month I have met a doctor that is doing all kinds of tests on me to see what my body is up to.  (My old doctor just said “you’ve got CFS” ~ really?  WHY THOUGH, I want to know WHY!)

It is epidemic how many people are suffering with issues like this.  I am 100% positive it is an imbalance of sorts that has numerous causes.  I don’t think that any ONE thing impacts us, I think it is a combination or “perfect storm” of different things (maybe even a few ascension symptoms thrown into the mix).  I also think that its not the same for everyone, for those of us that have an issue, we all have different ways that it can manifest.

 

I love my friends (and my clients and my readers, thank you).  Unfortunately, I have a really hard time physically being there for my friends sometimes.  Its not that I am always busy, but I do go through stages where I am exhausted.  It comes and goes.  Some months I have tons of energy and can do a lot of things, and other months I swear I sleep 14 hours a day.

I sometimes have a hard time making plans to get together with friends because I really don’t know how I am going to feel.  Its not that I don’t want to, its just that sometimes I can’t trust my body to do or be what my mind wants.

For those of you that are reading this that have a friend who seems perfectly fine but that can sometimes be elusive, maybe try listening to what they say, rather than what you assume.  When I say to someone, I didn’t phone you back because I was sleeping, it doesn’t mean “you aren’t important”, it means “I was exhausted yet again and I was sleeping”.  I try really hard to let my friends know where I am at with my energy.  I love them and I don’t want them to think I don’t care when I can’t plan a weekend away, or if I can’t help them move over the weekend.

I would LOVE to be “normal”.  To be able to make plans for two weeks from now to do something physically demanding, or do something late in the day, or to just know that I will have normal energy levels next week.

For those of you that are reading this that have some sort of autoimmune disorder or fibromyalgia or anything, maybe its time to let your friends know.  You don’t even necessarily need to give them all the details, but letting them know you need more sleep than most people or something might help.  I can relate to not wanting to tell people because it is so very hard for someone with normal energy levels to understand what it is like.  They get tired too ~ they just don’t realize how tired (and/or sore) you get from seemingly nothing.  Most people wake up in the morning a little groggy and after a coffee or shower they are ready for their day ~ for some of us (sometimes) once we have a coffee and a shower we are now ready for a nap.

I think those articles doing the rounds on Facebook are doing a disservice to some friendships.  Things aren’t always what they seem, and just because your friend is having a hard time getting together with you doesn’t mean that you should ditch them as a friend.

If they are kind to you and you share a connection hang onto them.  Good friends are very important.

EVERYTHING HAS MORE THAN ONE PERSPECTIVE.  That is my entire point of writing this article.  I don’t need sympathy, I’m doing just fine, very healthy and happy (just a little tired sometimes).

My point in writing this is so that if you have any health issues, you don’t feel so alone.  My point in writing this is also that if you have a friend that doesn’t seem to be able to ‘step up’ in the way a lot of people do, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should write them off as a friend.

As always, with love,

Tamara

 

 

 

 

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