Tamara Hawk – Psychic, Medium

Archive for the ‘Basics’ Category

Over the past few years a lot of you have been working on letting things go. A lot of you haven’t. There are so many who are hanging on tightly to what they have always known. Those of you who are doing this are getting more and more uncomfortable. It seems like no matter what you do, things aren’t working out.

As we come up to 11/11/11, those of you that are Spiritually ready for movement, but not yet willing to give things up on your own, are having things ripped away from you, and this is very uncomfortable indeed.

You cannot hang onto the past much longer. Our governments are in trouble (middle east is a good example), our financial systems are in a HUGE transition, our power sources, etc., the list goes on. There is not much that is not changing right now.

In the long run things will be better. Yes, there is a discomfort that comes with change, that is to be expected. However, the longer you try to hold onto the old, the more uncomfortable things need to get.

The list of things people are hanging onto is as endless as the global changes, relationships, friendships, jobs, houses, spouses, cities, animals, habits ~ you name it, you want to keep it: at all costs. Unfortunately, it is costing you dearly.

It is for this reason that I have my horse up for sale. Do I want to sell him? Not really, he’s a good friend, provides me a lot of enjoyment, and he is happy and secure where he is. I have been told from my peeps in no uncertain terms though that he needs to move on to another home. I don’t know exactly when, or where he will go, but I have put out the willingness to find him another home. I don’t want it to come down to crunch time and be forced to re-home him just anywhere, to a home where he might not be well taken care of, or worse yet, wind up as dog food. Is it hard? You bet. Does it sometimes make me cry? Yes. Will I feel a huge loss when he is gone? Most certainly.

BUT. And this is a big BUT. If I decided to not listen to what I know, to hang onto him for as long as possible, to work my darndest to make it work, what would be likely to happen? I would be forced into some sort of a situation, whether it be financial, health, having to change cities….something…. that would help me move on from him. I would rather avoid the heartbreaking discomfort, and just live with some sadness for a while until the next thing in my life presents itself.

So many of you are in the same boat. Some with animals, like me, but more of you with people or jobs. Just hanging on and hanging on. How uncomfortable does your life need to get before you let go?

Even Garth Brooks wrote a song about it. “Unanswered Prayers”. Whenever we let go of something, something else takes its place. EVERY TIME. Think back to other times in your life that you thought you just couldn’t live without something … you are reading this, therefore, you are still here. You did live though it. And more likely than not, you have had some good times in the meantime.

It is impossible for the old and new to co-exist. One needs to go. In order for your life to feel like it is flowing, and moving forward, you must let go. What is meant to stay with you will stay.

The seed of the new cannot take hold and grow if it is surrounded by the shell of the old.

Most of us have a tendency to take life way too personally.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is. 

If you want to feel better, you need to expand your perspective to include other things and people.  If you walk around thinking that everything that goes on around you, is always directly related to how someone feels about you, you can easily lose your peace of mind. 

Next time you encounter something or someone that irks you try and look at it differently. Use this as just a simple way to assist you in not taking things personally, and playing with changing your perspective.

If someone is serving you in some way and they are less than pleasant, rather than being angry, try and make up some scenarios in your head that could explain their behaviour.

You are driving in your car and someone cuts you off or speeds past you.

Your boss is a total bear when you walk into work.

These things are NOT meant to be excuses for bad behavoiur. I am NOT saying that it is okay that the people you come across are acting the way they are towards you. What I AM saying, is that it happens.

You do not need to take things personally, usually what someone else is saying or doing has very little to do with you. Just as you are often wrapped up in your own life, so are they. When you are experiencing one of the above, and you inadvertently take it out on others, wouldn’t you feel better knowing that they weren’t taking in personally.

Remember, these things rarely have anything to do with YOU.

Compassion for others, and empathy, is a good thing. What affects one affects all. We are all connected.

Where we get into trouble is when we take on the issues/problems of others’. It is not compassionate to tell someone else what to do or to try and live their life for them. As a matter of fact, its not fair to them, and it does nothing for either of you.

We can ‘be there’ for others if they need us, or if they ask for our help. The thing is, most of us have a tendency to want to help others without them asking for, or wanting our ‘help’.

There are so many examples of this. In relationships of all kinds. Of siblings, or friends, or spouses, or parents. Each and every one of us has come to this earth to experience certain things. Each and every one of us has within us the ability to make decisions and choices. Just because someone that you love is making choices that you do not agree with does not mean that they need your help. It does not mean that their choices are wrong. It may be the right choice for them at the time.

Even if someone you love is on drugs or is living in poverty, or is having some other ‘problem’, does not mean that you are required to ‘fix’ it for them.  How do you know that what you are thinking is for their highest and best good?  Why is it your business to live the life of someone else?

If they are an adult, they certainly have the capacity to make other decisions, other choices and change their life. You can change your life if you want, they can change theirs if they want. If they do not want to change, you cannot make them change. If they want change in their life and they need help, they will probably ask for your assistance. If they are in a really bad spot, they may ask you to ‘rescue’ them from a situation. You cannot rescue someone from something they have created. They need to make some different choices. You may be able to ‘assist’, but do not try to take control of their life, their situation, and make it your own. It will not work.

There are so many different examples of this.  I will provide a few, but what I am talking about is certainly not limited to what I have written here.

Example One.

There is a person you love who is using drugs and living a life you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.  Once in a while an intervention might work, but if the person does not want help, whatever you do will not work. You can threaten, give them a place to live, give them 100 tools to get off the drugs, but they will find their way back to where they were if they do not want to live a ‘clean’ life, of if they have much deeper issues of self-worth. You can give them all the love in the world, but they will continually put drugs above all else, until they make a different choice.  Above their love for you, above their own well-being, above love for anything else.  All you can do is pray for them, send them loving energy and hold the intention that they get what they need for their own highest and best good. It is not up to you to decide what their highest and best good is.

Example Two.

I have known quite a few women in abusive relationships. I have even ‘helped’ two different friends get out of abusive situations. The thing with this is, that does not work either unless the person really wants out and asks for your help. Even then, it might not work.  I had a friend that was in an abusive relationship and she came over one day and had a tooth knocked out and had a black eye. She told me she wanted to get out of the relationship – badly. She oscillated back and forth from wanting to get out and blaming herself for her man’s anger.

I did what I could to help her to get out though. First, I called a shelter, told them about her situation, and then gave her the number for the shelter. The woman at the shelter told me that most women in that situation go back to the man. I didn’t quite believe it at the time, if someone had the opportunity to change something so awful, why would they go back? My friend did not call them though. Not right then.

The police ended up at her house one night and brought her to the shelter. She stayed there for a couple of weeks. She got her own place. I helped her to furnish her place and get it ready for her and her kids. I was happy for her, she was out.

I didn’t hear from her for about a month. I called and left a couple of messages, and sent emails but didn’t hear a peep. Then one day she called me and was living about 4 hours from here, she had a great job and was being promoted. Once again I was really happy for her.

Then a year went by and I didn’t hear from her. Once again, I tried to leave a message but her phone was disconnected. I sent emails but never got a reply. I bumped into a mutual friend that told me she had left the country for a while. Her family lived in the US and she was with them, once again I was happy for her. I did wonder though, why she wasn’t in contact with her good friends that loved her.

After two years of just hearing bits and pieces of what was going on with her, I heard that she was coming back into town to be with the man who abused her. She had kept in contact with him all that time. She didn’t keep in contact with those of us who loved her. We thought that she was just getting on with her life and was doing well (I know sometimes people need to cut off contact in order to start again).

I learned that she cut off contact with those of us who wanted to help her do it differently. She has made it glaringly obvious that she does not want our kind of help, or maybe she just isn’t ready for it.

This is a perfect example of how we cannot live other peoples lives for them. Some of her friends are actually still very angry at her for not taking the help that was offered. I’d be lying if I said that I understood it at the very moment it was happening. It was quite a while ago, but I think I was angry at first too. How could she do that? After all we did to help her, and she chose him over us? It made no sense.

I have since realized that she provided a valuable learning opportunity for me. Yet another one (I’ve had a lot of them prior to this which are different story’s altogether).

I can have love and compassion. I can pray that she gets what SHE needs. Not what I want FOR her – what SHE wants and needs for her. I can pray that she stay safe, and I can send her loving, healing energy. I just can’t try and take over her life for her and rescue her.

Would I do it again if I had another friend in the same situation? Or if she came to me really asking for my help. Yes, I would. In a second.  But for now, I will let her go. I will let her live her life as she wants to live it. Not how I would like her to live it.

Example Three

You have a family member that is living in poverty. You want them to have a better life and have what you have. You buy them groceries, pay their rent, even to the point that you leave yourself short or get into debt. This may be okay in certain circumstances. For example if they are just going through a tough spot. However, I see it all the time where a person that is completely capable of taking care of themselves relies on other people to get by.

When they have money they spend it on themselves and expect friends or family to take care of the “important” stuff, like hydro and food. Continually giving them money does not help them. It just keeps them stuck. Money is not love, you can’t tell someone what to spend their money on or where to work or how to live. Those choices are up to the individual.

Once again, this does not mean that you do not have love and compassion for that person, it means you love them enough to allow them to live their own life.

If they ask for help, perhaps you can help them.  Perhaps you cannot.  There is nothing loving about living someone’s life for them.  It is not helpful to get angry at someone because they are not living their life as you would have them live it.  That is called controlling.  There is nothing loving about trying to control someone else.  Love is allowing people to be and do and create what it is they want.

I would also like to make it clear that this does not apply to children, people who are mentally ill, or those who are physically unable to take care of themselves.

Everything is energy. What is it that you creating with your energy?

Whatever our intentions are is the energy we will create for ourselves, and the energy that we will attract to ourselves.

This is backed up by science, Quantum Physics to be exact, but I won’t get into that part of things here.

Why practice awareness?

Because you cannot change what you do not know or acknowledge. As you practice awareness from week to week, you start to see where your thinking might not be in line with what it is you want to accomplish.
This is in direct relationship to the energy behind things. If you are unaware of your thoughts or your surroundings then you are unaware of the energy you are putting out, and therefore; unaware of the energy you are bringing into your life.

Back to science here, but we really do get back the energy that we put out. Awareness of this energy is very important. If you are not aware of what you are doing, thinking, saying, then you are on autopilot and allowing life to just lead you along. There is a difference between “going with the flow” and not taking responsibility for what you are creating.

Your thoughts and actions play a big part in where you will end up. Being aware of things helps with the process of creating the life that you want.

Judgement and Perception Go Hand in Hand

Why practice Non-Judgement?

When we judge things, we immediately stop the flow of energy. Try to see things just as they are. Not as good or bad. If something happens it just “is” – there’s no need to define it.

How we perceive our circumstances dictates how we handle things and the type of energy we create in our day to day lives.

If something happens and we perceive it as “bad”, then we immediately have a “bad” experience or reaction. We create negative energy. Remember, when you do this, what you put out there is what you will get in return “energetically speaking”.

What if what is happening is not “bad” but is necessary for your growth, and to help you move on and become. Without movement, there can be no growth. Think about that. What if, on a soul level, (and a mind level), you are wanting different circumstances in your life. What if the Universe decides to support this decision? What if you are trying to hang onto old ways? The more you perceive the movement as a negative, the more you will experience it as negativity. The more negative energy you will yourself create.

This is why people often experience “opposites” showing up when they try to manifest something. It’s not really the “opposite”, that’s just the way you are perceiving it. If you perceive it as growth and movement instead of as lack and limitation, you are on your way to making the life you want.

That is a very powerful sentence. Think of the energy behind it. It really doesn’t matter what should or shouldn’t BE. All we have is what IS. That’s it. Focusing on how things should or shouldn’t be, just keeps things the way they are.

If you find yourself saying should or shouldn’t, maybe you need to take a good look at where you are, right now. What is causing you to say those words? Is it something that you have control over? Or not?

Chances are, you can change things, but you can never change them by saying they shouldn’t exist. You need to be in your moment, look at your moment, see everything that brought you here. If need be, release it. Or maybe it is just something you need to acknowledge. Sometimes you may find it easier to say it shouldn’t be a certain way, rather than actually seeing it how it is and doing something about it.

Sometimes you just need to ride it out, and do things differently next time. Some times you need to do things differently today. Sometimes it may be something you have no control over right at the moment (a law, or the economy perhaps). Sometimes it is something you can control right now.

Your focus should always be on you. What can you do. With the smaller stuff it’s easy. With the bigger stuff it might be a little harder, but its likely not impossible.

For some it is much easier to say should or shouldn’t rather than looking at things differently. I should have more money. Really? Should you? Then why don’t you? What have you done about it? Do you want money for nothing? Do you want money for work? Do you accept what you have created for yourself? Do you have debt to pay off? Why should you have more money? Look at yourself, your life, your responsibility in what you have created. Rather than use the energy zapper “should”, why don’t you take a good look at your present moment and see what you can do ~ right now, for yourself to create more money?

I shouldn’t be stuck living where I am living. Here’s another common one. Why are you stuck there? If you be in your moment and trust your moment, you will likely find that you aren’t stuck. It is your mind telling you that you are afraid to move. If you live with another person, you may say “I can’t afford to move”. Be in your moment. Is that really true? Or are you just afraid to change what you have now. If it is related to where you can afford to live, what can you do differently.

Things always start with a thought. If you are looking for an easy way out, or are looking at the way things “should, or shouldn’t be” chances are it will elude you. You need to look at what you have right now and use your imagination and your ability to create to find your own way out. Not just use those words as an excuse to stay where you are.