Energetic & Spiritual Boundaries

I have been attending the Hay House, I CAN DO IT!  2014 conference in Vancouver all weekend.

Today I will be going to Vancouver again for a class with Doreen Virtue for Angel Card Reading.

Over the weekend I have met a few energy workers like myself.  Of course over my career I have met many people who are energy workers, or mediums, or empaths.  One thing I have noticed is how many people that can see and feel what I see and feel, think they have no control over it at all.

You have more control over your energetic space than you think you do.  Just because you have a ‘gift’ doesn’t mean you have to live your life being open all the time.  Just because you have been bombarded with energies, doesn’t mean you have to live your life being blown about by the energy and moods of everyone and everything around you.

Spirits and loved ones on the other side are not that different than we are.  They were (and kind of are) people just like we are.  You CAN and SHOULD have boundaries with them.

If you are walking down the street and someone (not in spirit) started to follow you down the street and talking to you and saying your name what would you do?

If you chose to ignore them completely chances are they would think that you did not hear them and they would continue to follow you, call your name and pester you until you acknowledged them.  If you stopped, turned around, acknowledged them and said something like “Yes?”; or ” I’m sorry, but I do not know who you are”; or (in the case of someone panhandling for money), “I do not have any change”.  They would go away and move on.   If they did not move on, you may begin to get nervous but you would likely ignore them, walk away, tell them firmly, maybe with your hand up, “Stop”, or “go away”.  Maybe get mall security or something, but they would go and leave you alone.

Spirits are not much different.  Many mediums don’t have a clue how to have boundaries with Sprits.  When I go out to a mall or event, I mostly “tune out” the Spiritual clutter.  If I didn’t I’d go nuts.  There were a lot of people there yesterday, and if I hadn’t been ‘tuned out’ I am sure I would have been surrounded by voices of people that could not be seen.  In a crowd of over 3000 people, what the heck would I have done with all the voices?

If I have a medium reading booked and I am getting ready in the morning, and someone pops in and says “Hi, I’m the Dad”, that is perfectly okay.  He is here for my client, is excited to talk to her, and has just shown up a bit early (sometimes they come the night before, or a few days before), this is okay.

If I am lying in bed and night, and someone pops in.  I might ask them who they are.  Or, if I am ready to go to sleep I will just let them know “I am going to sleep now, just come back when your person is sitting in front of me and we can talk”.  Easy.  Boundaries.

When I lived in the city I had a Spirit come in when I was on my way to bed and he was younger (early 20’s), and VERY EXCITED.  He was bouncing around my room and saying, “I’m so glad we met” and “can’t wait to talk to him” etc.  He came into my room a few nights in a row.

I was pretty sure I knew who he wanted to talk to (a friend of mine), so I approached my friend and told him about this Spirit that was excited to talk to him.  I told him many things about the Spirit and he said “I don’t know who or what you are talking about”.  I was rather floored because the Spirit was pretty clear with me.

However, there is not much I can do about it.  Whether my friend was just freaked out (he wasn’t really ‘into’ this stuff), or whether I or the Spirit really were mixed up is really irrelevant.  Bottom line, I couldn’t help the guy that kept coming into my room and jumping on my bed.

So, after talking to my friend, I went to bed and I told the Spirit “I am sorry, I don’t think I can help you right now.  If you want to come back when your person is sitting in front of me, I would be happy to talk for you”.  And you know what.  He left!!!

Really freaking easy.  There are many mediums out there that don’t realize that it is okay to have boundaries.

Just because you have a ‘gift’ and can see and talk to Spirits, it does not mean you are obligated to have them harass you all the time.  Yes, its a gift.  Yes, it would be nice if you could share information.  NO, you are NOT obligated to give up your entire life, to have Spirits attached to you and be bashed around by energies that are not your own.

Just as with people who have bodies, yes you can help WHEN YOU CAN HELP, but you are not ‘obligated’ to allow yourself to be treated like a doormat.

Have some energetic boundaries, just as you (hopefully), have some physical boundaries in your life.

I hope to write more on this subject, but for now, I am off to Vancouver!



Visits From Spirits

As many of you know, I lost my aunt and mentor to cancer at the beginning of the year. With my gifts I can often still communicate with her on the other side, but its not always the same. If I feel I need her, I can just sit for a minute and talk to her and she does talk back to me. She’s still able to give me advice from the other side.

A couple of days ago I was really missing her and wishing I could just pick up the phone and talk to her. I asked her to come and see me in a dream, as these visits are sometimes more ‘real’ and communication comes easier that way. Besides, I just missed her and wanted to see her again.

So I woke up yesterday morning, and nothing. I was quite disappointed that she hadn’t come to see me while I slept.

The next night, last night, while “dreaming”, I called her up and we were talking on the phone. She was right there but we were still using the phone. After talking to her for a few minutes I said that I didn’t realize it was that easy to talk to her when she was dead. I said I was surprised she answered the phone when I called. She said we do it all the time and have been doing it since she passed over.

Because I am so close to her and do miss her, sometimes when I would feel her around I would doubt if it was her, wondering if it was just wishful thinking and vivid imagination on my part. (I should know better, but when we are that personally involved in a situation, its sometimes harder to trust).

It was really nice to see her last night. And it was nice that she acknowledged the fact that I needed the dream to feel better. I needed more than just telepathy from a Spirit while sitting drinking my coffee in the morning.

If you find you have dreams about a loved one, please allow yourself to conceive that they really are visiting you. When we are sleeping, there are parts of us that are “turned off”, and we can listen and visit better.

When we dream, our logical minds are turned off. We can leave our body and limitations behind and it is easier for our loved ones to communicate with us; and for us to feel as if, “Oh, it felt so real”. That’s because it was real.

Paranormal Investigations

In January of this year I joined a Paranormal Investigations Group. They are a startup group based out of Abbotsford, BC. So far I have only been on one investigation with them, but we have another one scheduled for this month.

If you have ghosts or paranormal activity going on in your house, and you live in the Fraser Valley, and you would like an investigation done, you can check out their website Paranormal Association of Research and Awareness. There is a form on there to apply to have the team come to your house.

As I already mentioned, they are a startup group so as of yet so they do not have tons of expensive equipment, but they do have enough resources to check your place out for you and provide you with feedback. They are consistently upgrading and improving on the equipment that they have and are working towards having all the “best ghost hunting equipment” available. As a team, they are hoping to capture proof of paranormal activity and to raise awareness that ghosts really do exist.

Everyone on the team is bonded, the investigations are free, and you will be provided with a report afterwards.

I don’t know if I will personally be at every investigation, but I will attend the ones I am able to.

Help, My Son / Daughter Sees Ghosts

I get a lot of e-mail from people who are asking for advice because their child sees ghosts.

Some parents are very afraid of this, and some are just more curious and want to have a better understanding of it so that they can help their child through it.

I think one of the most important things you can do as a parent is to remain calm.  Accept the fact that ghosts and spirits exist.  Do not tell your child that it is their imagination, or to just pretend they aren’t there.  That simply doesn’t help.  It would be like telling your child that the grass is not growing in your front yard when clearly they can see that it is!

It is helpful to know that there is a difference between a ghost and a spirit.  A ghost is a person that has died, but has not necessarily crossed over.  The best thing to do is to remember a ghost is JUST A PERSON. Just like you and me.  They just happen to not have their physical bodies anymore. There are very few ‘evil’ ghosts around, just as there are very few truly ‘evil’ people.  I am not saying there is no such thing as a nasty ghost, it’s just that they are very rare.

A spirit is a being on the “other side” and they generally come to this dimension to visit, to help, or just to be here ~ as in loved ones who have crossed over, spirit guides, Ascended Masters, etc.
A very important thing to understand is that neither ghosts nor spirits will hurt you.  I know with my son, he see’s his “spirit friends” (these are his words, not mine), as lights.  He sees purple lights, blue lights pink lights, all as orbs in his dark bedroom. 

My son also sees the actual ghosts that live in our house with us.  We live in a house that was built in 1896, so we have quite a few ghosts here. 

For the most part ghosts and spirits are harmless…what you see on TV and in the movies is meant to scare people and sensationalize things.  Even shows ‘based on real events’ are so distorted, it is amusing to those of us that really know what it is like to be able to see such things.
Sometimes ghosts can look pretty scary. If a physical body went through some trauma, we may see the ghost in that state.  There is a fellow in our house with no head.  He has shared that he was in a war, but doesn’t know exactly where his head is.  It can be disturbing to see him sometimes with no head, but that doesn’t make him evil or dangerous.

Another thing that can make ghosts/spirits seem scary is that we often see them almost as if though a ‘fog’.  I hope I can explain this part properly, but basically, they don’t have a body anymore.  They are just their energy now.  What we see is the energy of the person that was.  There is no longer a physical body.  It’s as if they are in a different dimension than us and when we look across the dimensions, sometimes the view is quite different than what we see in the 3rd dimension in which we live.

You could compare it to being in a dark room and putting a flashlight under your chin.  Your face looks scary with that view, but it is just the way you are seeing it, not the way it is.

The scariest part for most parents that do not see the ghosts or spirits is the ‘unknown’ part.  “What is my poor child seeing/going through”. 

I have asked the ghosts that I have here in my house not to startle me.  I certainly don’t mind co-habiting with them, but I really don’t want to be having the life scared out of me all the time.

Anyone can talk to ghosts, including parents who do not see or hear them.  Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  It can be done with telepathy.  You don’t have to say it out loud, although you can if you prefer.  Just thinking it in your head will do the trick though. It really is that easy.  Try just saying “I don’t mind you being here, but I need you to be more subtle, you scare me sometimes”.
Remember, ghosts are people, dead people maybe, but still people. 

Talking to people generally works as far as resolving issues around boundaries and space One of the biggest issues when our children are seeing ghosts is that parents are afraid, or they don’t understand that, as mediums, we have control over our ‘sight’.  Assure your son or daughter that there is nothing wrong in what they see.  You really need to empower him or her and let your child know that the ghosts will not hurt them.  You also need to reassure your child that HE OR SHE HAS complete CONTROL over their gift.

Just assure your child that they can control their gift and their own space. Let your child speak about their ‘sightings’ and keep your own feelings in check.

I used to see ghosts and spirits in front of my eyes like I would see you if we met.  I rarely see them this way now.  I basically told them that they were not allowed to appear like that to me and scare me.  I told them that I would ignore them completely if I found myself being ‘startled’ by people appearing in front of me all the time. 

I have asked the ghosts and the spirits to not startle me and to please be more subtle.  Now when I do readings, or if I ‘see’ or ‘talk to’ a ghost or spirit, they come to me more ‘in my head’ ~ if I close my eyes I can ‘see’ them better than with my “regular 3rd dimension vision”.  I got rather tired of stepping out of the shower and having someone standing in my bathroom!

Ghosts and spirits are everywhere by the way.  Houses, malls, schools, parks, everywhere.  The area around my son’s school is particularly “active”. He will see ghosts or spirits in the sports field, or in his classroom. 

One day I was walking down the street beside his school and there were ghosts also walking down the street where I was.  I paid no more (or less) attention to them than I would anyone else.  Smile, nod, keep walking.

Part of the trick of living with this gift is knowing where to put your attention. Just as we can be in a crowded shopping mall and hardly notice the people around us, we can also be in a crowded “ghost zone” (for lack of a better way to put it), and just ignore them.
Even with my son — generally he sees even way more than I do.  We just asked the spirits and ghosts to back off  and not to bother him.  His room was always full at night or I’d be sitting at my desk and he’d see a woman standing behind me, or there’d be spirit kids waking him up at night wanting to play…stuff like that. 

We just asked that they please leave him alone for now, he’s too young to have to deal with it etc.  Now he doesn’t see them as much and they don’t annoy him when he’s trying to sleep.  You don’t need to be a medium, or an ‘expert’ to do this.  Just ask them!  They will generally respect your wishes. 

This truly does work.  I mentioned this before, but its worth repeating, they aren’t that different than you and I, they just don’t have bodies anymore.

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