I’m So Excited Today!

My son is coming home this evening!  He is 14 (will be 15 at the end of the month), and he’s been in Ontario since August 6th visiting with a friend.

Remember when we were kids and we didn’t have ‘helicopter parents’ and we were allowed to go and have adventures!  Some of my biggest and best memories are from that age.  I just talked to him on the phone and he has made so many friends over the past two weeks he almost doesn’t even want to come home.

 

Me and Jake

 

I am so happy for him, he will remember this trip for the rest of his life.  He decided he wanted to go, and then he worked and made his own money and planned his trip.  He had schoolwork to finish before booking so he got that all done and off he went.

As much as he’s had a blast and worked hard for what he wanted and learned some good lessons about how to get what you want out of life; he’s given himself a bigger gift than he even knows.  He now knows that ‘anything is possible’.  It wasn’t that many months ago that going to visit his friend was just a pipe dream; he didn’t have a job or any money or any idea of how to get there from here.  I’ve taught him about how to manifest what he wants, create his life, how to work with energy and use the Law of Attraction.

I do think he was a little bit nervous (not that he’d ever admit it), but he did it anyway.  He looked at the ‘big picture’ of what he wanted, not the little steps like flying alone, being away from home in another province for 2 weeks (his first time away from home for any length of time).

Too many of us go through life never having adventures.  We think about the small uncomfortable (“scary”) steps and stop before we even get started.  We say “Oh, that first step (in my son’s case, flying alone), is too scary, think I will stop now so I don’t have to get out of my comfort zone”.  We never get anywhere by stopping ourselves before we even get started.

Me and my family Christmas 2007

Me and my family Christmas 2007

When I first had my ‘baby’, I made him and myself a promise.  I promised that I would allow him to be his own person.  Yes, its my job to guide him and teach him how to navigate this world, but who and how he wants to be is his choice in the end.  He is a human being, not a possession.  I trust I raised him well and that he has a good head on his shoulders.  I feel I can trust him with his (age appropriate) adventures.  The more he spreads his wings and fly’s the farther he will go in life.  I am so very proud of my son, brave, willing to do what it takes to get what he wants….usually, (he is still a teenager after all).

What about you?  Do you challenge yourself?

Do you have adventures, or do you try and stay in your comfort zone?  Do you allow yourself to have experiences?  Do you leap or play it safe?  Can you see what you want in the future and are you willing to do what it takes to get you there?

How has it worked out for you?

 

 

 

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

If you want to hear what others have said about their readings you can check that out on my Psychic Reading Testimonial/Review page.

To all the Father’s out there on Fathers Day

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write a post to Dads today.  I wrote one on Mother’s Day for my mom, but my dad wasn’t really around much when I was growing up.

I was actually lucky that my dad wasn’t around.  He had some big issues and for a while there it skewed my own relationships and ability to feel safe in a relationship.

It wasn’t until I met my husband and saw the great capacity he has to love that I realized just what a real dad is.  I had never met a man that loves his sons in the way he does and for that I will be eternally grateful.  He changed my life when I met him and showed me a whole new way of being in this world.

Of course, I did a lot of my own internal healing before I was even able to meet him.  Prior to me doing my work with and for myself, I never would have been in the state of vibration to allow such a great guy into my heart space.  That is for another post though.

Happy Fathers Day

For all the Dad’s out there that are no longer married and try really hard to connect with your kids, thank you.  For all the women out there that try really hard to encourage this, thank you.

I have many dad friends that totally adore their children.  I have many clients that adore their children.  For some, it is easy to have a relationship with their kids.  For others they have to fight tooth and nail just to be able to see them.

I have many clients that use their children as weapons against their ex spouse.  Please don’t do this.  Your kids hear what you say to your friends on the phone or in the backyard even if you don’t say it right to their face.  If you have issues, please work on yourself, don’t let your own issues taint the vision children have of their dad.

I acknowledge that there are men out there that have gotten involved in drugs, or are partiers or simply ditch their kids for other reasons.  I can tell you from the hundreds of readings I have done (and dads I have talked to either living or passed over), they don’t ever do this from a place of feeling good about themselves.  They do not leave because they don’t care about their kids, they leave because they truly believe their kids are better off without them.

Its also important to remember that when a relationship breaks down, it is generally not the kids that dad is leaving.  Just because dad has left the home, the city or the province, does not mean that he has abandoned his kids.  He has not abandoned his kids unless you haven’t heard from him in years.

I won’t say much more on the subject, but I wanted to point out that fathers need to have their voices heard too, and there are way too many loving men out there that are getting the run around when they try and connect with their children.

I just wanted to acknowledge them and send them some love on this Father’s Day if they are not able to see their kids.
heart cloud

Help your children

Maybe its just the Full Moon getting to me but I almost feel like crying.  I have been talking to many parents who’s kids are in crisis – RIGHT NOW.  I have also been talking to many adults that were once these children and it can take a long time for healing to take place as an adult.  Healing can be much faster in children, but parents need to be doing a few things.

Honestly I’m not even sure where to start.  Most of the time the messages I write are channeled through me to some degree.  This one is hitting more close to home though and I am having a harder time keeping myself out of the message.  So, here it is, I will do my best to ask Spirit to direct my thoughts and writing for you.  This message won’t be for everyone but it has the potential to help many.

have you hugged your kid today

Parents – YOU need to keep ‘in touch’ with your child

Often, once kids hit 12-14 years old they start to distance themselves from their parents.  It is a natural evolution for their growth.  One mistake parents make when this happens, is they stop trying to communicate with their kids.  They use excuses like “he doesn’t talk to me”, or “she is never home anymore”, but that is just an excuse.  Do NOT let the tail wag the dog.  Some of you are happy for the break.  Your ‘little one’ is more independent so you have more free time for yourself.

Here is a newsflash!  Even though, at this age, your kids friends are the most important thing in their life, THEY STILL NEED YOU.  They are feeling around and finding out where they fit in to the big scheme of things.  They may distance themselves but it is UP TO YOU to keep the connection with THEM ~ NOT the other way around.

They need you to be engaged, to talk to them, to ask them questions and have an interest in their life.  You need to allow them to make SOME choices, but you also need to make a lot of their choices for them.  You need to teach them how to make good choices and that there are consequences (good or bad), for the choices they make.

If you have laid the groundwork here from a younger age, they will have some respect for you.  If you have parented from guilt or let them get away with murder as a youngster, you are in for a big surprise.

Disempowering your kids

Kids NEED boundaries.  It is not cute when kids hit their siblings (or you).  It is not appropriate to let your kids tantrum and then give in to what they want after 30 minutes of screaming (you taught them that if you have given in).  BE CONSISTENT.  Let them know that yes is yes and no is no.  Do what you say you are going to do, even if it means saying “I don’t know yet, I need to think about it”.  If you don’t your kid will be confused and will do whatever it takes to manipulate you into getting what they want, even if its not good for them.  YES, parenting can be hard, but YOU ARE THE PARENT.  Parent is a verb as well as a noun!

READ THIS POST: Are you labeling your kids

Handling things after a breakup

If your spouse left you, YOUR KIDS WERE NOT NECESSARILY ABANDONED.  It is not fair to your children for you to let them think that one of their parents ‘abandoned’ them.  Shame on you if you have said this around or to your kids.  95% of the time (or more), when a spouse leaves, they either leave the other spouse, or they leave to go to something that they think will make them feel better.  Someone does not leave a relationship when they are comfortable and feel like they are able to grow and be who they are.   Most of the time a spouse leaves a SITUATION, NOT their children.

Do you have any idea how hard it is on a kid when you accuse a spouse (or ex spouse), of abandoning them?  If you have kids and your relationship ends, you must do everything in your power to help your kids be okay.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.   If you are a parent it is about YOUR KIDS.  You took on the responsibility of being a parent, PARENT (verb).

“My kid is depressed, it must be because their dad abandoned them”.  Maybe your kid is depressed because you have been so self-absorbed that you haven’t bothered to listen to them and be present in their lives.  They feel abandoned by TWO parents.  Maybe they are depressed because they have heard you say “their dad must not love them anymore, he abandoned them” a hundred times (on the phone to your friends and family perhaps?).

I have had way too many clients (and people in my personal life), that have created a rift between their children and the parent that left.  For the purpose of this next paragraph I will use ‘dad’ as the one who walked away from the home.

So dad leaves.  Dad tries to keep in contact with the kids but mom is so upset at the breakdown in the relationship and SHE feels abandoned so she projects it onto her kids.  She judges dad for what he is doing now (maybe he’s doing bad stuff, maybe he isn’t, but it doesn’t matter because in MOM’s eyes, anything would be bad).  He is NOT doing what mom wants him to do so therefore he is an asshole that abandoned his family.  Doesn’t even matter if he was dying inside and needed to leave so he could find himself AND SO he could be a better human being in general and a better parent to his kids (from a different physical space).  Nope, doesn’t matter.  He left, he’s a jerk.

If he is in a new relationship look out.  There must be something wrong with her.  She is a wing nut, or has him under a spell, or whatever.  SHE is doing something wrong.  You take every opportunity to let your kids know how horrible she is.  You may call her a skank, or you may call her a liar, or you might pick another word.  IT DOES NOT MATTER TO YOU, as long as your kids don’t have to be around “her”.

Here’s what you need to think about around that.  IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS when you are a parent.  What if your kids meet her and she is really nice to them.  What if your kids actually like her?  Do you have any idea how hard you are making it on your kids and how confusing it will be for them liking someone that their mom has told them is a bad person?  What a lovely thing to put into your kids head.

Heaven forbid, something happens to you and the kids need to go and stay with the other parent.  Or heaven forbid you have screwed up your kids so bad with ‘parental alienation’ that you now need the help of the other parent.  Your kid will not want to even talk to the other parent ~ after all that parent ‘abandoned’ them and they are evil.  DO NOT EVER ALIENATE YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE OTHER PARENT, IT WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS EVERY TIME!!!!

hug me

“My son/daughter ran away from home”

You need to take a good look at what “home” has become.  Did you start ignoring your kid because they were involved with their friends?  Did you start ignoring your kid because ‘you were so sad’ at a breakup?  Did you start ignoring your kids because “your life was hard”.  Like, what the hell.  If you think your life is hard, imagine how hard there’s is when one parent feels the need to leave and parent from afar and the custodial parent ABANDONS them while living in the same house with them.

Parental Attachment

If you want your kids to be okay, you need to have some sort of parental ‘attachment’.  “Attachment” is CREATED BY THE PARENT.  Parents can create attachment by:   having meals (and discussions) with their kids at least a few days a week;  by making sure that when the kids leave the house, or come home, you engage with them, don’t just let them walk past you and do whatever they want;  doing family things like playing cards, going camping, watching a movie or pretty much anything that focuses on ‘together family’ time.  NO PHONES, NO COMPUTERS, NO TEXTING, NO SOCIAL MEDIA.  Just you and your kids, engaging.

If your kids seem to not want to engage with you, you have to insist.  Talk about the weather, sports scores, the grass growing ~ it doesn’t matter what you talk about as long as its not your problems or how hard you have it in life (teaching your kids that blame is okay and disempowering your kids is NOT a good thing).

If you and your child have this ‘attachment’ it will be much easier to help them through their challenges because they will ‘want to please you’ (even if it is subconsciously).   If you have no attachment and you haven’t done at least some of the things listed above, the fights will be worse, your child will disconnect from you and you will have a child that says “F*ck You” when you finally try to ‘fix them’.

You will be so detached from your child that they will have very little respect for you and when they have a problem you won’t be able to ‘help’ them through it because of that lack of respect and attachment.  They will perceive anything that you do to ‘help’ them, as a threat and as something you are doing ‘to them’ rather than ‘for them’.  (Much like the way you feel when you blame the ‘outside world’ or the ‘other parent’ for ruining your life ~ your child will blame you for ruining yours).

If your focus is on THEM more than it is on you, they will be able to connect with YOU.  If they try to please you and you are still stuck in your own self pity, they will stop trying to please you and they will leave.

 

 

I am not a psychologist, I am an energy worker.  I feel.  I feel your pain and I feel the pain that emanates from our young people.

If you think I can help you with counselling FOR YOU so you can help your kids you can contact me here.

Are you labeling your kids?

Sometimes having knowledge about someone’s (our kids) personality can be useful.  As in; they are creative, or they are stubborn, or focused, or logical, or some other descriptor.

These descriptive phrases basically point out where a child’s ‘gifts’ may lie.  They are not necessarily bad or good, they just are.

The problem occurs when we begin to judge how someone should be.  When we say that being a certain way is a ‘disorder’.  We label our kids as ‘autistic’, or ADD, or ODD, or ADHD, or whatever the ‘diagnosis of the day’ is.  I just saw a news story today that said the majority of kids with ADHD are boys.  The study also mentions that if these boys are allowed to fidget while in class they learn better.  How is that a ‘disorder’?

children on meds

My son has a friend that was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).  I have spent A LOT of time with that kid.  When he’s at our house, he is polite and respectful and not the least bit defiant.  I have seen him with his mom and he’s a different kid with her.  He has no respect for her, blurts demands at her, and she gives him what he wants.  She said to me once “He always gets what he wants”.  I must say, he tried that with us and it didn’t work so he stopped talking to us that way.  When I first called him on the way he was talking to me he was shocked.  He didn’t talk to me very much during his next couple of visits to my home.  Mostly because he didn’t know how.  I kept talking to him normally and now he is totally comfortable talking to me normally as well.  No demands, no disrespect, no defiance, just a mutual respect between us.   His dad treats his mom the same way he treats his mom.  This is not a disorder, it is leading by example and parents training him how to treat them.  His mom ended up putting him on ‘medication’ to ‘treat’ his ODD.  All he needed was a few boundaries and to be told that respect is a two way street.

This is so sad.  How about we parent kids in a way that teaches them how to be respectful and kind, and how to cope with life (you don’t always get what you want, that’s it period ~ life isn’t fair, learn how to deal with it)?  It doesn’t take long to have a calm respectful relationship with a kid if you do what you say you are going to do and treat them how you want to be treated.

Does your kid have tantrums ~ all the time?

Do you?  Kids do what you do, not what you say.  If you fly off the handle why shouldn’t they?   If you handle upsets, or life, in a calm manner, and model coping skills, your kids will learn how to cope.

Most kids that act out do so because there is something they want or need that they are not getting.  They might not be able to sit and be a “Stepford Child” but that doesn’t mean they are ‘broken’ or need medication.  Sometimes it just means that you need to be a parent, figure out what they want or need (which is usually boundaries and undivided attention, NOT giving into tantrums), and modeling that for them.

Is your kid acting out?  Have you tried putting down your cel phone and engaging with them one on one for 20 minutes?  When you get home from work, do you get busy with dinner and ignore your kid while he/she screams and cries and fights with siblings?  If so, I want you to try something.  Try walking in the front door, taking a deep breath, picking up a book or crayons or something and sit with your kid.  Just a few minutes ~ 10, 20, 30… and talk to them.  Ask them about their day if they are old enough.  Just engage with them for a bit.  That’s what they want.

Its energy.  If you have an energy that is all over the place, stressed out, freaking about getting dinner on the table what do you think your child will feel?  Stressed out and freaking.  Give them a cracker if they are grumpy from hunger, then give them some UNDIVIDED attention.  And THEN make dinner.  You will be able to make dinner in relative peace.  Maybe your kid will even be willing to help you, or sit at the kitchen table and chat with you while you cook.  Try it.

How to respect your kids, and teach them to respect you in return

Do what you say you are going to do.

Yes means YES.  Keep your promises.  If you tell your kid(s) you are taking them to the park later then take them to the park later.  Don’t break your promise.  If you are worried about weather tell them “I will take you to the park later if the weather stays nice”.  Turn off your phone.  Don’t get so wrapped up in work, or the drama of your friend online or on the phone that you ‘forget’ all about the park.

No means NO.  Not, “No, until you scream so freaking loud for so freaking long that I can’t stand it anymore and I give you what I told you I would not give you”.  Why the heck would a kid stop acting up to get what they want if MOST of the time acting up gets them what they want?

Teach them consequences.  Do you blame others when you make a mistake, or do you take responsibility for yourself and your own actions?  Do you speed, then blame the police for giving you a ticket?  Do you overspend and then blame the credit card company for the outrageous interest that you agreed to pay when you signed your name?

Take responsibility for your mistakes, and stop rescuing you kids from their mistakes.  There are consequences for your actions.  If you are constantly telling your kids “If you do that again, you are grounded for a week”, and then two days later you let them go out, your word is crap.  They know you don’t do what you say you are going to do.  If they steal or cheat, and then you somehow excuse that behaviour or ignore it, you are teaching them that they don’t need to be responsible for their actions.

I’m not saying that you call the cops on your kids.  If you get to the point that you need to call the police to parent your children for you, you can pretty much be assured that you have missed a part of the parenting process that is listed above.

Psychiatry and Medications are BS

I am NOT a doctor.  This is NOT a medical blog.  The opinions I express are just that “my opinions”.  If you or your child are under a doctors care or on medication, do not stop just because of something I say.  I take no responsibility for your actions. 

Do psychiatric medications have a role to play?  My answer to this is a BIG maybe.  Without supports in place to deal with disorders like schizophrenia, I suppose they do have a place.  In different cultures people with schizophrenia are revered as Shamans and healers with ties to other realms and dimensions.  In our Western Culture, there isn’t a lot of time, knowledge, places to deal with such things.  If medication will help people with schizophrenia live a more comfortable life, then yes, meds may have a role to play.

For 99% of “Behavioural Issues” in kids medication is NOT required.  Some parents would rather have a pill they can give their kid than be a present parent.  If you are a part of the 1% then you may excuse this post, just be sure to take a good look at yourself before you do.

drugging of children

The Zombie Apocalypse

The zombie apocalypse is upon us.  Why?  Because we are medicating instead of understanding, or nurturing gifts, or healing.  A lot of mental health issues are due to situations in our life, NOT just our brain chemistry.  Energetically, we can change our brain chemistry with our thoughts.  With most mental health issues, it is our THOUGHTS that created them in the first place.

If you take a child that likes to move his body rather than sit at a desk for 3 hours and you tell him he is ‘bad’, or ‘broken’ instead of giving him an outlet, he will go through life either medicated, or thinking there is something wrong with him.  If we didn’t have kids that wanted to move their body, that did not have a higher physical energy level than ‘normal’, we wouldn’t have inventors, dancers, athletes landscapers.  Think about it logically.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically active.  We program our kids to think its wrong, and we try and de-program our young adults to get off their butts and exercise ~ IF, they aren’t over medicated and unable to move.

I wrote this post because I often have clients ask about their kids.  Of course, “how are my kids” is a fairly regular question that I get when I do psychic readings.  The messages in this blog post have been given to at least 15 different parents over the past 3 years by Spirit.  This post is for all of you who want to know “How are my kids?”, but can’t or haven’t had a reading from me.

 

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

If you want to hear what others have said about their readings you can check that out on my Psychic Reading Testimonial/Review page.