So you have someone in your life that has been a jerk to you. Maybe they owe you money, or maybe they have done something really mean to you, or done or said something that hurt your feelings, or left you in the lurch in some way.
If you were to make a choice to let this go, who exactly would you be letting off the hook?
Well, yourself of course.
It is not your job to police everyone else around you. You cannot make other people do what you want them to do no matter how hard you try or what manipulative effort you put forth. They will only do what they want to do.
Most people that have done what you think they have done don’t care. Think about this. You have been sitting and worrying and fuming and making yourself sick, and the object of your anger/frustration/upset is going on with their life as if nothing is wrong!!! How dare they?!?
Think about the person. If they are on drugs, on booze, have no morals, or are narcissists or psychopaths, or any other number of things ~ they don’t care. They don’t feel like you do, they don’t process information or feelings the way you do, they simply get on with their lives. AND YOU DON’T.
When are you going to let yourself off the hook for their bad behaviour?
I know first hand how much it sucks when someone owes you money and they don’t pay you back, or when someone you trusted and relied on did something that ripped your heart out. Been there, done that ~ a lot.
No amount of your suffering or upset is going to change anything ~ EVER.
The only thing that will give you a chance of you feeling better is to let it go. You aren’t punishing them by hanging on, you are punishing yourself.
I’m not even going to lie and say its easy all the time (although a lot of times once you make the decision it is). I will say that once you let it go, let yourself off the hook and move on, you are pretty much guaranteed to feel better.
Other people are going to do what they are going to do. You need to do what you need to do to feel as good as you can in any given moment and if that means letting it go and forgetting it and moving on, then that just might be what you need to do.
Forgive or Forget?
A lot of people will tell you, “I can forgive, but I can never forget”. If you can’t forget, then you haven’t forgiven. That really is it in a nutshell.
Some people might not deserve your forgiveness, but you do.
I am not saying that if someone you are around has cheated you that you forgive and forget and trust them completely again if they have not changed their behaviours, attitude and energy. There is something to be said for remembering their energetic footprint and, if its still the same, then maybe they don’t really deserve for you to forgive them. If this is the case, it is decision time for you as far as whether or not you still want them around. Maybe its best to just let them go and move on with your life in a separate direction. You will however need to work on your own energy so you don’t bring a similar situation into your life in the future ~ that’s where the ‘forgetting’ comes in.
Here’s a couple examples:
Someone takes money from you and doesn’t give it back. You can hang on to lousy energy and feel horrible about it forever, constantly thinking about it, never letting it go. You may say you have forgiven them, but if you refuse to forget about it, then you are still on your own self-imposed “hook”.
You’d need to basically let the money go to truly have forgiven and forgotten. You may want to NEVER give them money again (or if they stole it you may want to never let them alone with your wallet again), but you don’t have to hang onto that resentment energy.
If the person is that horribly unreliable, it would be best to just let them go anyway. Let them be who they need to be and you move on and be who you need to be. You don’t really ever need to think of them again after that if you don’t want to.
You have a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, and they cheated on you. You decided that you would continue a relationship with them after that.
That is a personal choice and would be different for everyone ~ no judgements from me, but here’s the energy of it.
A lot of people in this situation would say “I can forgive him/her, but I will never forget”. Here is what you get for yourself by doing this. You get a life of mistrust, memories coming back to haunt you, tension in a relationship, and being in a situation where you will never be truly open and loving again.
If your spouse cheated, they did it for a reason. It was either a one-off situation because you were having problems, or they have one of the issues I wrote about above (substance abuse, narcissism etc.).
If they have huge issues, they do not deserve your trust. That’s it period. You can forgive and forget for yourself and move on, but there is zero point in forgiving and moving forward with someone like that ~ because you won’t ever be able to truly forget, it will replay over and over for you forever. Because the cheater in question has changed nothing.
Only you can change yourself. Only you can let yourself off the hook. Only you can let things go.
Its not a good thing to hang onto anger and resentment and if you keep yourself in the presence of someone who you intuitively know is going to screw you over again then you are doing yourself a disservice.
You are a creator, you create with your thoughts and energy. Wouldn’t you like to be able to finally move on? To start from this moment and look towards what you want rather than to what is wrong in the past?
The sooner you let them go, the sooner you can forget about it. Your life will be so much better for it that you won’t even have the time or energy to look back at ‘what was’.
I am NOT talking about burying your emotions either. I am saying let it go. You cannot control other people and if they have treated you badly it says more about them than it does about you.
If you feel like you kind of want to let go, but don’t feel like you are quite there yet, then pray and affirm: “Help me be willing to let this go“. You will get there.
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