Relationships, ask for what you want/need, then LET IT GO
A relationship is not meant to ‘complete you’. That’s a bunch of hooey. If you are not already complete there’s not a soul on the planet that will be able to help you through a romantic relationship.
When two people are in a HEALTHY relationship, they WANT the other person to be happy. They don’t want the other person to be jealous, insecure, wondering…
When you are in a healthy relationship you can ask for what you want in a respectable way, knowing your partner will do his/her best for you. You will have no need whatsoever to ‘demand’ that your needs be met.
MESSAGE FOR WOMEN
If you are a woman, and you are reasonably secure in your own self, and you are dating a man that doesn’t seem to care how you feel, just leave. Save yourself the grief of having your self-esteem run through the mud and having baggage to ‘get over’ later. If he loves you, he will want you to be happy. PERIOD. Don’t make demands, they don’t work anyway. Make your decisions based on his actions, and how you feel (if you aren’t happy, or cry once a week about how you have been treated, that’s a big indicator he’s not ‘the one’).
For women, its important that if you ask a man for something, knowing that he loves you and that he will do it if/when he can, then he will. There is no sense in asking him for something that no man could do. Most guys aren’t going to be happy hanging out with your girlfriends shopping, let him be a man.
Its also important for women to recognize when a man is trying and to acknowledge that. Don’t ask him for something and when he tries, tell him he’s done it wrong. No one wants to be chastised for not doing things the way you would do them. If his heart is in the right place, let him do it his way.
You wonder why your man quit trying to please you when he used to really try hard..? there are three main reasons.
1. You are unpleasable – your way or the highway
2. You aren’t happy. In a good relationship, he wants you to be happy. If he tries, and you aren’t happy he will quit trying.
3. He doesn’t care.
MESSAGE FOR MEN
For the men out there. If you are with a woman who consistently wants your nuts on a platter, quit trying. There are just some women who act like prima donnas and are not worth it. If you NEVER do anything right, or if the more you do the more demands that you are met with, maybe she is just unpleasable. This does not mean that any woman asking for help is demanding or unpleasable, its when no matter what you do it is never appreciated and never enough, you rarely hear ‘thank you’. I’m talking more about the woman who puts you down at every turn, that wants more and more and more, and is never happy, the one that acts like the world (and you) owes her something. That you need to be something you aren’t to please her. Sometimes these women have been ‘wronged’ and they just won’t let any man be a man.
“Buy me this, take me here. You can’t go on that fishing trip you’ve been planning for months, Mary Sue is having a baby shower!” This is unreasonable and is a demand, not a request.
(If she’s upset about you being in the bar with your ‘buds’ every weekend, see #3 above – you likely aren’t ready to be in a relationship with her).
OFF AND ON RELATIONSHIPS
If you are in an on and off relationship, chances are it’s meant to be “off”. Rarely in an off and on relationship does one person say, “Look, I’m going through something and I love and respect you, will you please support me in my growth and getting in touch with my soul; once I do that, I may be ready for more”.
Nope, with off and on, it’s usually someone feeling smothered, or someone that likes you or is drawn to you, but that knows they do not want what you want out of life. The separations are usually caused by some form of drama and/or control issue. They are pretty sure that this is not the relationship for them, they just happen to be drawn to you for some reason. IF THEY ARE RUNNING AWAY IT IS NOT THE RELATIONSHIP FOR THEM. If it is not the relationship for them, it is not the relationship for you. There is not one “healthy” person on the planet runs away from someone that they feel is the one – EVER – PERIOD. Even if you did get back together, have a baby, get married, cohabitate, whatever… it will not be sustainable. We can only pretend for so many years before it takes a toll.
Relationships are a two way street. In a healthy relationship both parties realize this. In a healthy one we try to make our partner more comfortable. Not by changing “who we are”. “Who we are” is who they fell for — No, by being considerate and sometimes going the extra mile just because you love them.
If it is healthy, then both parties will do what it takes to keep the flow. If not, let it go, stop wasting what is supposed to be a happy life on being unhappy.