My Kid Doesn’t Listen To Me

I just wanted to write a post about new teenagers because they are very misunderstood by parents sometimes. I hear a lot of parents complaining about their kids’ ‘attitude’. The attitude can be from hormones or things going on that your kid doesn’t want to share with you, or lack of sleep (this is VERY common in kids these days).

However, it is imperative that you keep in mind they are your child and they still need you. They still need your love, acceptance and approval. As kids get older, of course they start to want to make some more of their own decisions, they will test boundaries and want to spend much more time with friends than with family.

Your kids will make mistakes, some big ones some little ones. It is all part of growing. Often at this age they make a LOT of mistakes. They have so many new things, and feelings, and friends, and experiences to learn about. Their brains are still growing and they are experimenting with so many things.

It is really easy to get caught in the role of “corrector”. Constantly observing what your child is doing wrong and pointing out what is right, or what they ‘should’ be doing. All kids are different and have different interests and different things that inspire them. One thing that inspires EVERY child though, is love and approval. Even if they do something inappropriate, you can call out the behavior, but you do not need to label your kid. Chances are, your kid is not a bad kid, they have just been exploring and have made a choice that wasn’t the best one.

It is okay to guide, correct, teach, and instill a knowledge of consequences with kids. It is important that you also let your kid know that you are proud of them. Nothing lights up my son’s face more than when I tell him I am proud of him, whether it is for something specific or just a general statement. There are so many things to be done, so many things to learn, so many stressors in a kids life, they just need to know that they are loved and appreciated for their part in your life.

Nothing wrong with giving your kid chores to do, but do you thank them after it is done? Do you ever tell them they did a good job and that you appreciate their contribution to the family/home? I hear from people all the time how they feel so unappreciated (by their spouse, kids, boss…), yet these same people often do not dish out the appreciation either. You DO get what you give. Catch your kid doing something wonderful and THANK THEM!!!

I see way too many parents that complain that their son/daughter is getting distant, but yet they do not realize that they are also creating distance with their kids.

Your kid wants to spend hours and hours with their friends, or sometimes even 36 hours or a weekend straight ~ away from you. YOUR KID STILL NEEDS YOU. Just because your kid is stretching their wings, does not mean that you don’t need to be there for them. Even if they ditch you for their friends they still want and need you to be available for them if something happens. This can feel like being ‘used’ by some parents, but your child is not ‘using’ you, your child is still a child and NEEDS you to be there.

I have many adult clients that still seek the approval of their parents after they have their own grown up family. Imagine how much your child needs your approval NOW.

Some of you may pick your child up from school (or wait until after school or work), and start talking to your child. Sometimes you talk about all the things your kid has to do (as far as chores or homework), sometimes you feel overwhelmed, and you share all YOU have to do with your child.

Do you ask your kid how his/her day was? If so, do you actually LISTEN to the answer with 100% of your attention? Or do you just ask and then go about doing something else? There is nothing that can disempower or hurt a kid more, than to think that a parent doesn’t really care what’s going on in their life. Parents complain that their kids don’t tell them anything, but often when parents do not sit and really LISTEN, with undivided attention kids stop talking.

Do you complain that your kid doesn’t listen to you? Kids learn by example. What you DO, not what you SAY. If they see you looking at your phone after you have asked them a question, why wouldn’t they look at their phone when you are talking to them? Because of how their brains are wired at this age, it is hard enough for them to listen to you and focus on what you are saying (this is a normal part of brain functioning). Try and teach them to focus by being fully present, and be cognizant of what you are doing yourself.

Please be AWARE of what your kid is trying to tell you. Either by what they say, what they do, or what they DON’T say or do. There will always be SOME distance between parents and teens as teens learn to be away from the parents, but the separation does NOT need to turn into a chasm. YOU are the ADULT. Start acting like it, and pay attention, and be there for your kid(s). Too many parents say “what about me?” Yes, you need to take care of yourself, but you took on the responsibility of being a parent, and your kids come first.

Are We Meant to Be?

This is probably one of the most common questions I get.  You meet someone and feel a really huge connection.  It’s as if you have known them your whole life.  It feels so comfortable to be around them, you talk for hours, being in their presence feels like ‘coming home’.  There is a sexual attraction too.  You just love the way they look, how you feel when you are around them.  You really think that they are ‘the one’.

Then a short time later, usually it is only weeks or maybe about 3 months max., all of a sudden this person, the person you thought was your Soul Mate, that you felt so comfortable around, starts to change.  They start to take off and pull back from you.  Your relationship may be off and on for quite some time.

They start to accuse you of being controlling.  When you ask them “What happened, I thought you loved me?”  The response you get is usually similar to “Well, this is the real me, get used to it”.

What happened here?  Why can I not let this person go?  I feel as if I am obsessed with them, I cannot stop thinking about them.  I have never felt like this before.

If you find yourself in this situation, there is an explanation.  And here it is:

As Souls we live in many dimensions.  In our lifetime we come across many people (Souls) that we knew before.  Whether in a past life, or just from our existence in another dimension.  Chances are, if you are reading this, you are aware of “the other side”, and know that there is more to our existence here than just this 3D reality.

You are remembering a connection with this person from another dimension.  It does not exist for them in this dimension.  They initially feel the same connection of ‘coming home’ that you felt, but that is not what they are wanting or able to experience in this moment.

On a Soul level, you may have agreed to meet up on Earth at this time so that you could remind him/her of something that he/she does not want to remember right now.  You hold a space for them to remember, and be who you know they are on a Soul Level, but that is not what they are wanting at this point of their journey.

They are vibrating on a completely different frequency than you are.  This is their choice.  You cannot chose it for them.  They are a Soul having a human experience and they are chosing a different experience than you are.  You see their potential, but they don’t.

Just as you have had opportunities for spiritual growth in your life that you were not ready for, they are not ready for the growth and the space that you are offering.

This does not mean that you have failed, or that they have failed, it just means that at this point, in this dimension, you are in different places.  It is important to realize that just because you are connected to someone in a different dimension, it does not mean that you “MUST” be together in this one.

Once you realize what you truly are to each other it can be easier to let go.  You stop questioning what you did wrong.  You stop asking what you can do to make things better.  There is nothing you can do about anyone else’s path or choices.

On a soul level it may feel as if they are breaking a contract with you that you made a long time ago.  It is their path and their journey and their lessons that they are living and learning in their own way, at their own pace, and you cannot do it for them.

You need to release the need to ‘show them who they are’ on a soul level, and move on so that you can attract someone into your life that is vibrating at the same level as you are and that you can grow with more comfortably.

I’m hoping that this explanation will help bring you peace and enable you to release these energy cords more quickly and less painfully.  You do not need to try to keep up your end of the ‘contract’, when they are not able to live up to theirs.

I have had relationships in my life like this too.  I know it can be hard to let them go when you know how beautiful and loving their true soul is.  However, I also know how liberating it can be to realize that they are not where I am, and if we are meant to meet again on the other side we will.  All you can do for anyone is offer them love, and then let them be.  You cannot force love (and light), onto someone who is not ready for it.

 

 

What, How, When – Tell Me My Future

I would really like to clarify something about the future, “fortune telling”, psychic readings, talking to, or hearing from your guides, loved ones, angels etc.

You are a co-creator. To ask a psychic or clairvoyant what is going to happen in the future, without being willing to hear what you are in the midst of creating is a waste of your time. I, like most other psychics can accurately tell you what you are in the middle of creating. When we see what you are in the midst of creating, we can pretty accurately tell you what will happen in the future.
The problem with this mentality, and some psychic readings, is that when you focus on what the psychic has said is “Your Future”, and you refuse to listen to what a psychic might tell you about what you need to do IN THE PRESENT, you are robbing yourself of actually having a life of your own.

I won’t do this – tell a person that this is “your future” – anymore. I haven’t done this for quite some time. I always start off readings with what you are in the middle of RIGHT NOW. Of course I can accurately see what’s on the horizon, I’m clairvoyant. However, I don’t want to take control of, or try to create your life for you. Neither do your guides or your loved ones on the other side.

For those of us psychics who have managed to keep our ego’s in check, we focus on wanting to help EMPOWER you. Not live your life for you. There is nothing more disempowering than to say “HERE’S YOUR FUTURE, SUCK IT UP”, and then leave you hanging if it’s something you deem to be uncomfortable.

Do I sometimes see things that are in the works, on a roll and seemingly unstoppable? Yes, I do. But if I do, I also get information that will help you to make it through to the other side with the least possible problems or resistance.

Some of my clients are so focused on the HOW or WHAT of things that they miss an awful lot of good messages from their guides. A great example is concerning relationships. I get many questions every month about relationships. When will I meet them, who are they, where will I meet them, how will I meet them? More often than not, when I get these kinds of questions, the first place your guides will go with me is to tell me where you are RIGHT NOW. They may share some of your past relationship information with me, or your upbringing, or where you are now, where you are vibrating with your energy, what you are attracting. But most importantly, what they share with me is WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF, WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR ENERGY, RIGHT NOW to enable you to find your perfect match.

So many of you don’t want to hear this. You throw your entire life into the hands of a psychic and say “Tell me what will happen”. Your guides, and me, would much rather tell you how you can find your soul mate than telling you that you are going to have another relationship exactly like the last one, or that it will take you 10 years to find them. Wouldn’t you much rather hear how to heal yourself, and change your energy vibration than to put your future in someone else’s hands?

Now I KNOW there’s a lot of people who will say, NO to that question, “tell me what will happen”. And all I can say is, go and find another psychic. This one WILL NOT take control of your life away from you.

All that being said, can I see the future? Yes, as I stated before I am a clairvoyant. Can I see who your mate is, what they look like, do for work, when you will meet them etc.? Yes, a LOT of the time. But often the information comes WITH OTHER INFORMATION about where you are now and what steps you need to take to get yourself ready for this relationship. If you do not take care of what needs to be taken care of with your own stuff, then you could meet your absolute soul mate, not be ready for them, and send them packing. Who knows how long it would take you to either re-connect with them or connect with someone else that you agreed to meet up with while living this life. Or, you could actually change your own future by changing what you are thinking, feeling and doing in your life.

The more healing that you need on a soul level, the more your reading will focus on you, your past, the present, and what you can do to heal yourself. Your guides want you to be able to move forward with a clean slate, and the only way to do that is to know where you are at and what you need to let go of.

I have used ‘significant other’ relationships as an example in this blog post, but truly the message is the same for all ‘issues’ I get in psychic readings. Career, family/friend relationships, money, everything. YOU are co-creating your reality every moment of every day whether you realize it or not. Sometimes we need to create from the most basic space … where we are now.

Valentines Day Presence

Valentine’s Day is a great day to show your love.  So many people put importance on what their love is going to get them or do for them on Valentine’s Day.

What if, for Valentine’s Day, you give your love your Presence?

So many of us are rushed.  We are home and we think about work.  We are at work and we think about what needs to be done at home.  We drive our cars with no awareness whatsoever about where we are or what we are doing.  We get home from where we were and have no recall of the actual drive.

Most of us could use a little more presence in our lives.  Living in the NOW can be a wonderful thing when we let it happen.  Flowers, candy, a dinner out…all nice gifts to be sure.  But how enjoyable is any of it without some presence?

You don’t want to be out for dinner looking across at the love of your life while they are on the phone with someone else, or off in never never land thinking about their workday.  Don’t do that to them.  If you have a love in your life, and you really want to give them a gift, make sure you do it with some Presence, it truly is the best gift of all.

 

 

Relationships and Your Heart Chakra

Over the past few months I have written a lot of posts about letting go. A lot of them were directly related to relationships that have outgrown their purpose.

There is one more that I have written that will be included in this post. I think it will be the last one of its kind (for now anyway). When I wrote the first one, I didn’t realize that it would end up being a series on different types of relationships that no longer serve our highest and best good. I write what I am inspired to write on any given day. My inspiration comes from more than one source. The majority of the time it is from my own personal teams of guides teachers and angels. Sometimes when I have had many clients in a short span of time that all have the same issues related to relationships, I realize that I need to put something out there so that those of you who are not able to get a reading can still benefit from what many people’s guides (including my own) are telling me about the times we are in.

As mentioned in my last post, not all these posts relate to all relationships. There are a great many of you that are living in very positive “twin flame” relationships where you are both able to live your lives filled with love and growth.

I am hoping to be able to channel a post or posts in the future that will better serve those of you who are already in your mutually supportive relationships. Even in very good relationships there are energy and communication exercises that you can do to make things even better.

But that is a future post. For now, here is the post about relationships that are very ‘different’ ~ but still need to be released.

With love,
Tamara

A Special Relationship that Serves to Open Your Heart Chakra

A lot of times when I do readings for people and they are asking about a relationship, they will tell me “I’ve never felt like this before, we must be soul mates”. Usually during these readings, the person that you are focusing on is no longer in your life and you are not letting them go. I am totally convinced that you will be able to find a psychic that will tell you, yes, you have had past lives together, and you are soul mates and that they will come back to you. The world is full of “psychics” that will tell you just what you want to hear.

A lot of the time when I say that you need to let the person go, you will say… “I just can’t, we must be meant to be together, I’VE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE”. I am here to tell you that just because you feel a strong connection with someone does not mean that you must be soul mates or that you are meant to be together.

There are many reasons that we feel strong connections with others. It doesn’t always mean that they need to be a romantic partner in this lifetime.

The most common reason for these feelings is that the person that you are obsessed with has helped you to open up your heart chakra. I could count on one hand the number of readings I’ve done when matchings like this are meant to be and I’ve done a LOT of readings. If you are meant to be, chances are you are together and happy and are not calling me to ask why he or she has walked out of your life.

When your heart chakra opens up it can be a feeling like no other. Its amazing. It is warm and fuzzy, and something that most of us aren’t accustomed to once our childhood has ended.

In cases like this you simply need to realize that you likely DO know this person from the other side. You might meet up with them again after you both cross back over and go home. However, chances are, you had an agreement before you came here. The object of your affection agreed to come into your life for a while and be a wonderful part of your life and to help you open up your heart chakra. Once your heart chakra has been opened you can more freely allow someone in to share your life.

It is usually no more than that. Once they have assisted you in opening your heart chakra, their job in your life is done. It’s a wonderful gift they have given you. It doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with them romantically in this lifetime.

Most of you say things like “I am confused as to whether or not he/she likes me. When I call or email them, they are really nice and open but I don’t get a lot of indication that they want more”. They are nice and open because they are ’nice’ people, they probably do like you and don’t want to hurt you. Its usually ‘nice’ people that can assist you with your heart chakra. They aren’t usually the type of person that is going to hang up on you or ignore your emails. (although sometimes they do when you get too pushy). They know that it wouldn’t work for the two of you. Most of the time they do care for you on some level… they just don’t want to ‘be with you’, or they would be.

Take the gift of an open heart, receive it with grattitude, and find someone else with an open heart to share your life with.

Why do we put so much of who we are into how someone else sees us?

The hardest part of my job is when I see the need for someone to move on from something and they don’t want to. This is happening to a great extent with relationships right now.

Times are changing and our souls (higher selves) so badly want us to be happy. That is the reason why so many things seem to be falling apart. There are many relationships that exist in the old reality. The new reality that we are moving into is one of happiness, love, enlightenment and an enjoyment of life. When what surrounds us does not hold the higher vibrating energies of love it needs to be disowned before we are able to raise our vibration and live the life of the wonderful light beings that we are.

We cannot continue to live life in the old way. It simply won’t work. To try and do so will just create a hell on earth for us. The only way out is through. I am not saying that the process of clearing out the old won’t be uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. It can be very uncomfortable, and sad, and can really put us out of balance. The key is to realize that you can and will survive. Do not dwell on what was. Allow yourself to go through the steps of grieving (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). There is nothing wrong with staying in bed for a week. There is nothing wrong with crying your eyes out and screaming into a pillow. This can be a therapeutic part of the process.

You must however, somewhere, even if it is deep inside, continue to hold the belief that you will end up okay in the long run. Be patient with yourself. You don’t need to rush through the process. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who is going through the same thing. (If it’s been months or years that these negative feelings have been going on, professional assistance may be required).

There are so many people on this planet that have been sad and unhappy for years with their domestic situation. They keep hoping and wishing that their relationship will get better. They are often physically sick, they cry often, feel out of balance a lot of the time. Just when they think things are getting better, the relationship falters again.

The reason behind this is that the relationship has outgrown its usefulness. Perhaps at one time the two of you had things to do together in this lifetime. Perhaps have children or learn certain things from each other. With some relationships, once that is done it is time to move on.

Do you want to be happy?

You say you want a certain person. Yet, you have been so unhappy in their presence. It is your own Soul that is requesting the growth. You are stunted in that relationship, it is no longer serving your highest and best good and you are no longer growing. You are not at your best while in it. It just keeps getting more and more uncomfortable.

Sometimes you realize this yourself and let go and sometimes you don’t let go, the other person does. This can be devastating. It is important to remember your own self-worth though. If someone has been treating you badly it can be hard to hold onto that self worth. Over time, self doubt has been creeping in until you feel you can no longer hold your own light. It feels as if it has been snuffed out. Why are you trying to hang onto someone that is treating you badly?

You go through your days wondering where your flame went. You yearn to have it back, but the mistake you are making is that you expect someone else to be the one to show it to you. The responsibility is yours. You need to acknowledge that the light is there, that it has always been there. It has just been muted because you have been looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who is not loving you the way they should be.

You mistakenly felt like the only light you had was via the other person. With the loss of them you feel as if there is no light left. That is not the truth. You have just allowed your light to fade for a time and it is now time to allow it to grow and illuminate your life.

Once you can recognize your own divineness, you will feel better. You may not feel amazing right away (or maybe you will), but you will feel good enough that you can get through today. Having the faith that you will be okay, that you can move on, that one day the pain won’t be there anymore.

Pray. A lot. Ask for help and support from Creator, and all your angels and your own personal teams of guides, teachers and angels.

Spend time with people who love and appreciate you for the human angel you are

Confused by an Abusive Relationship?

So I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and was sitting on it trying to decide if I should post it or not. Most of my blog posts just kind of come out of seemingly nowhere and I just pound them out as they come. With this one, on re-reading it the day after I wrote it, I thought it sounded a bit angry and cynical. For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you may recognize it as being different from what I normally write. For those of you new here, I apologize if the following post sounds harsh. Really, I’m not normally abrasive.

I have seen so many of my female clients suffering. I do not dislike men, but there are those out there that strive to have power and control over women. I am confident that none of them would be on my site and reading my blog anyway.

So all that said, here is my post about how a lot of abusive men start their relationships.

When you first meet, you are a princess to him. he says things like “I’ve never met anyone like you before”, or “I don’t deserve you”.

After somewhere from six weeks to three months, things start to change. Subtly at first. Maybe one night he goes out with his friends and ditches you without so much as a phone call and you get upset. His response is that, “this is the way I am, take it or leave it.” Or, he may say that you are controlling (with, of course, no mention of the lack of common courtesy of a phone call for standing you up).

He talks about his past girlfriends turning into bitches. Talking about what a nag she was, or that she was awful and how great you are, and how glad he is that you aren’t like her. How they had such volatile fights it was crazy. There is probably more than one woman in his past that he refers to in this way.

You start to get confused, you lose your centre of balance. You start to get upset. Maybe you have fights. He uses these as an excuse to go out with his friends even more; says its your fault, if you weren’t so miserable he’d want to spend more time with you. You begin to wonder what is so wrong with you that you can’t relax and just let things go along as they were.

You begin to question yourself. “Why am I so unhappy, he’s such a great guy and he’s with me. Why can’t I just relax and let him have some fun with his friends”. He starts to call you names. If you get upset about something he tells you that you are crazy. You suspect he’s with other women when he’s out but he says, “I love you, can’t you see that?” If you question him too much, your fights start to get a little extreme, maybe even physical. You think you are losing your mind, you love him so much, you are so connected. He gets you more than anyone else has. Why isn’t this working?

It’s not working because it will never work with him. He is controlling and he is abusive. You are mistaking what he presented to you in those first weeks with who he really is. He’s a good talker. Usually fairly handsome. He’s ‘bared his soul’ to you, told you things he’s never told to anyone else. He’s never felt this way before, nor have you.

The thing is….he does this all the time. You are NOT the first person he’s felt this with. You are NOT the first person he’s told this to. He has no idea how to have a real connection with anyone. What he DOES know how to do, is tell a woman exactly what she wants and needs to hear so that she will get hooked.

The connection you feel is often just because you are confused and stuck in ‘what was’ rather than ‘what is’. Your mind is what is connected. You are trying to make sense of things. You think he is ‘perfect’ and are trying to figure out how to get him back and make it work. The thing is, that you are not the first woman he’s done this to. There are others that are thinking and feeling the same things you are. They just came along before you. You will not be the last. He will be with another that he charms and then treats badly.

You are in love with the “potential” of the promises he made to you. Of the ideas he gave you, of the things he said. What you need to realize is that it was all a made up story in his mind. That’s it. That is where he gets his kicks. He may or may not be aware of what he’s doing, but the potential with this man is all that is ever there. He is incapable of truly feeling love. He can pretend for a little while but it goes no further than that. That’s it.

Think about it, do you really want to be hooked up with a guy that would call you those names? Really? What you really want is the guy back that he was in the beginning. I can tell you, that guy is NEVER coming back. Not for you. Only for the next unsuspecting woman that falls for him.

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