Does your spouse ‘owe’ you?

I’ve been noticing another trend lately in relationships and it is keeping a lot of you from being happy with your S.O.

It is the mindset that your spouse owes you something.  Too often in relationships communication is lacking and someone ends up feeling as if their needs aren’t being met.

It doesn’t seem to matter that they have NOT clearly stated what their needs are, or that they go through their days pretending that everything is okay when its not.  This just breeds resentment and a feeling that your spouse owes you ~ because you’ve ‘put up with’ certain things for so long.

This resentment is a relationship killer and often causes one spouse to take on passive aggressive tendencies.  The distance between spouses grows and grows and eventually things fall apart and the relationship ends.

It doesn’t need to be this way.

loving thoughts better relationship

How to turn things around in your relationship

You owe it to yourself to change your own energy, and in turn allow the relationship to grow and change.  Only then will you know for sure how good your relationship can be (or if its time to go).

The first realization you need to have is that NOTHING is going to change unless YOU change.  You are not entitled to a good relationship ~ you need to be an active participant in making a good relationship.

You need to take 100% responsibility for yourself and what you have created in your relationship. 

This doesn’t mean that if your spouse is abusive you need to stay and take it, but you can take responsibility for yourself and the fact that you have stayed this long.  If you take this responsibility, then you can take responsibility for deciding to leave.

  • If you have been holding back when communicating with your spouse, that is on YOU, not on them.  There is no reason to hold things in for so long that you blow up one day; practice communicating every day.
  • You need to appreciate what your spouse does, not what is lacking.  So your spouse never empties the dishwasher or folds laundry.  Do they do other things?  Change light bulbs, mow the lawn, work hard to provide money for the family?  Everyone does something positive.  You need to appreciate what they do take care of.  If you are constantly finding fault, your spouse will start to do less because they will begin to feel like nothing they do is good enough.
  • Write down a list of things that are amazing about your spouse.  Remember, they don’t owe you anything, for the most part they are there because they want to be there for one reason or another.
  • Don’t do things for your spouse that they can do for themselves.  A lot of relationships get out of balance because one person is always trying to take responsibility for someone else’s life.  This can never be sustained long term.  We all need to live our lives, if someone is always doing everything for us, we start to feel disempowered or needy (or worse yet, tied down and stuck).
  • When you communicate with your spouse, you need to realize that you are two souls having a human experience.  Your spouse is not there to complete you ~ that is your job.  They are there to share with you.  To grow with you.  Sometimes to challenge you.

We are meant to be in relationships because we want to be.  Not because we are waiting for the ‘payback’ of all our years of putting up with imbalance.

You can change things for the better but you need to do it with LOVE.  Not anger, not resentment, not from a place of feeling entitled.

If you want your relationship to change, you need to change.  Change some of your expectations, change your energy to love, focus on what is good and right in your relationship, appreciate what is working in your relationship and expand on that.

You will never know how good your relationship could be if you don’t focus on love and appreciation ~ every day.

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

If you want to hear what others have said about their readings you can check that out on my Psychic Reading Testimonial/Review page.

I love you

what is love

The words “I love you” should never mean, “I don’t love myself”.

It doesn’t matter how much love you give to or share with another, it should never take away from the love you give yourself.

You can love someone else without disrespecting yourself.

If anyone ever asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, or that puts you yourself at risk, or takes away from who you are inside, that is not love.

“If you loved me you would….”

That’s a bunch of hooey.  You can love someone without doing something, being something, or feeling something that you would rather not.  Loving someone does not require you to endanger yourself, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Anytime you ask someone to do something uncomfortable for them, that is not love.  Anytime someone asks you to do something uncomfortable for you, that is not love either.

(I am not talking about asking your spouse to vacuum, yes vacuuming can be uncomfortable, but that’s not the kind of discomfort I am talking about.)

Love is love.  Love is accepting.  Love is allowing ~ allowing someone to be all of themselves.  Not just who you want someone to be.

If you truly love someone, you want them to be happy.  Period.

Not just for them to be happy if it makes you happy.  That is not fair, to them, or to you.

In relationships we are meant to grow together, not to stunt the growth of someone else.  To love is to love, fully, completely without conditions.  Let no one stunt your growth and do not stunt the growth of others.

If you love yourself enough you won’t need to control anyone else, and you won’t feel the need to let anyone control you.

 

 

 

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

If you want to hear what others have said about their readings you can check that out on my Psychic Reading Testimonial/Review page.

How to stay in your Vortex when around someone who is not

needy ones

Came across this video and had two clients this week that I shared it with that needed it, so I thought I would share it with you all as well.

We are all a part of the same Source Energy and often go through similar things at similar times.

 

Hoping you find it helpful.

Love

Tamara

Dealing with a breakup

I know there are a lot of you that have already gone through a breakup, or are going through one right now.

Most Psychic's are Empaths

Love…

I am sharing this video of Esther Hicks channeling Abraham with you in the hope it will help you on your path and maybe even provide a little bit of comfort.

 

 

Why do you want someone that doesn’t want you?

What My Mom Taught Me About Relationships

Why would you want to be with someone who does not want you?

You want a relationship so badly yet you go after someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Even if you manage to “catch ” them do you really believe that they will make you happy?

There are 7 billion people on this planet – do not settle for someone who is unable to fully BE with you.

It makes no sense.

People are not possessions.  A relationship is not something you win.  A relationship is something you share.  A relationship is a relationship between TWO people.  It is not one person chasing another.  It is not one person feeling okay and the other feeling badly.  It is not one person manipulating and one being manipulated.  That is not healthy ~ and it is NOT a loving relationship.

Even if you do manage to “catch” them and pin them down, you end up being afraid they will leave, or jealous of their friendships.  That is no way to live.

Love Yourself

I so often get the question, “how can I get them back”; or even “what are they thinking?”

If they are not with you the answer is rarely going to be one you want to hear.  If they were thinking of you and pining for you and wanting to be with you, they would be with you.  People do not stay away from people that they want to be with.

You ask because “what if we are supposed to be together”?   If you were supposed to be you would be.

You are a perfect child of God.  You don’t need anyone to complete you.  And you certainly don’t deserve to have to be chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Stop chasing dreams of what you ‘think’ things might be like with them.  Things are NOT LIKE THAT with them.  Your upset and your tears prove that.  You deserve BETTER.  Stop glorifying who they are or what they represent to you.  Snap out of it.  It is your thoughts of ‘what could be’ that are upsetting you even more than the thoughts of ‘what is’.  “What is”, seriously sucks.

They may have left or never showed up, or just made other choices, but it is YOU that is upsetting yourself.  If they are not in your life and are living their own life, then it is up to you to do the same.  If you DECIDE not to do the same, then it is YOU, not THEM that is hurting you.  They hurt you once, you are hurting you over and over again.

 

 

If you need someone to help you look at your life from a fresh perspective and help you navigate changes in your life, to see if the changes you are considering are supported by Spirit, a psychic reading can help. You can contact me here.

If you want to hear what others have said about their readings you can check that out on my Psychic Reading Testimonial/Review page.

 

2015 is a Power(ful) Year

It is time to take your power back.  2014 was a pretty tough year for most people.  I’ve blogged a lot over the past few years about letting go, and it’s as if 2014 was the year for anything we either didn’t willingly let go of, or that we didn’t know needed to be let go of, went.  And things that needed to change, changed.  Whether we felt ready or not.

For some it was relationships, for others it was jobs, homes or ‘stuff’.  Even those of you who are pretty good at being aware, letting go and moving along in life had adjustments to make.  You may have all the same things in your life, but you may have had to let go of some thoughts, ideas or habits.

The best most comfortable way to get through this year is to look forward.  Stop looking back.  What was, was.  Everything you have experienced in your life brought you to this point.  Look at it, bless it, and release it.  Its time to step forward into your power.  If you look closely (through meditation and/or practicing awareness of your thoughts), you will see that you created this for yourself.  It is an opportunity, not a loss.

2015 Power Year

How to Start Over

Relationships:

There were many of you that were unhappy in your relationship.  You kept dreaming of what it would be like if your spouse (or BF/GF), would just change,  how happy you would be.  The relationship was okay, but there were issues and you kept wishing for something just ‘different’.

Well, here is your chance.  Your relationship could not be what you wanted it to be.  The person you were with was not the person you wanted them to be.  They could not be the person that you wanted them to be.

In losing that relationship, it has freed you up to get the relationship that you want.  Of course it hurts.  Allow yourself to mourn the loss.  But look forward, not back.  Don’t look back and glamourize what the relationship looked like (if it were perfect for you it would not have ended).  Look forward.  If you truly want a relationship, then look at yourself and who you are.  Take back your power, become the ‘complete’ you and then find someone to share with.  NO ONE WILL EVER COMPLETE YOU — ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.  And you must do that first before you go looking for another relationship.

Work/Career:

If you lost your job, you created that in some way too.  If you can take complete responsibility for where you are, you take back your power.  Try not to get caught in feeling sorry for yourself.  There are things you can do.  They might not be exactly what you imagined, but your attitude will determine where you go from here.

Don’t glamorize your past job.  If it was perfect for you in all ways, you would still have it.  While you are taking care of what needs to be taken care of (financially), you need to take steps every day towards what you want for your dream job.  You cannot rush it, and you cannot sit on your butt and do nothing, it won’t work.  Do what you can do, no matter how small, and keep looking forward and thinking of what you want.  Yes, you will need to take care of your responsibilities as best as you can.  You may have to work long hours and you may have to spend your evenings studying or working towards your dream job instead of watching TV, but you can do it.

Financial Stresses

If you are stressed about money, then go out and make some.  Make enough to get you by, you ALL have something you can offer someone.  Cut back on things you pay for, and sell what you don’t need or aren’t using.  Worrying about money while using your credit cards or getting more credit won’t help.

You may need to get a temporary second job, or sell stuff, but you all have something you can do.  Whether its house cleaning, or yard cleaning, or any other skill you have, USE IT.  When you are under financial stress, nothing LEGAL should be off limits.  If you cannot pay people that you owe, then no amount to earn is too little.  I am NOT saying to undercut your rate.  I am saying that if you are stressed about money and there is an opportunity for you to work at a minimum wage job (instead of getting $25/hour, or doing nothing at $0/hour), then do it.

I am saying that if you have something to sell, it is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it.  Sometimes there is no point to holding out for more.  You don’t need to ‘give’ things away, but if it is something you have not used in a long time, then sell it.  Between the money that you get, and the clutter that you clear out, you will be better off.

Most of all Don’t Look Back

Everything before, was before.  You only have now.  You are in a powerful time.  Take advantage of your power, the power of 2015, and your ability to create your future and start moving into the life you want.

If you are not sure which direction to go in or what to do next, or what needs to be healed for you, I can help you with a psychic reading.

Help from a Position of Strength

We are all one, and our energy sometimes shifts collectively.  This will create a ‘trend’ that I will see in my clients, and in my family, friends and myself as well.  It doesn’t happen collectively all the time, but it seems to be happening around this subject at the moment.

I had the opportunity to do some work with Cassandra at Devine You this afternoon, and the subject of helping others by helping yourself first ~ without rescuing them ~  came up for me as well.  I think it is worth sharing the words of Abraham at this point in time, and I hope it assists those of you that may need it.

These are not my words, but something that came up on my Facebook News Feed today posted by Abraham-Hicks.  (There are no accidents, its not coincidental that Esther Hicks also felt drawn to share these words today).

and only they can help themselves, let them...

and only they can help themselves, let them…

“When you are feeling the discomfort from seeing other people in a lackful or needy situation, and you decide to help them from your place of discomfort, no lasting value ever occurs, for two important reasons: first, you are not in alignment with the Energy of your Source, and so you have no real value to give; and second, your attention to their need only amplifies their need.

Of course, it is a wonderful thing to help others, but you must do it from your position of strength and alignment, which means you must be in alignment with their success as you offer assistance, and not in alignment with their problem.

When your awareness of their situation makes you uncomfortable and you offer help to make them feel better and to make yourself feel better, you are not in the Vortex and you are not helping. When you feel an inspired eagerness to offer something because you want to participate in their happy, successful process, your attention to their success harmonizes with the point of view of your Source; and the infinite resources of the Universe are at your disposal. And that does help”. – Abraham

(Excerpted from “Getting into the Vortex Guided Meditation CD)

Love, Tamara

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Are you stuck in your comfort zone?  Are you bored as hell in your life?  Do you wake up some mornings and wonder what this is all for?  Do you contemplate running away from home to some place more fun?  If so, you are probably stuck in your comfort zone.

I was there.  I think its a phenomenon with us humans sometimes (in my case it was a mom thing).  We have families to take care of, we don’t dare step out of our comfort zones, that would require our families to step out of their comfort zones.  And we can’t do that!  We are supposed to be there for our families!

Comfort Zone Meme

I get it.  I am still here in my comfortable place ~ not as much as I was before my son turned 14 ~ but still more “comfortable” than I was in my 20’s when I figured ‘anything goes’ (almost).  I remember in 2009 I got asked to go to LA for an audition for a new “Medium” TV show.  I was firmly entrenched in my comfort zone of being mom (and wife, and with my work at home).  And that is exactly where I needed to be at that time.  I am NOT slagging motherhood or fatherhood.  I would not have felt comfortable leaving my family for any extended length of time, they DID need me in 2009.

However, now its different.  My family still needs me, but not as much as before.  It is time for me to stretch my wings a little bit.  I highly doubt I would move out of country and leave my family behind, but if I got invited to go away for a while, I probably could at this stage of our lives.

I refuse to let my ‘comfort zone’ become ‘the rest of my life’,  and you should too.  There are many of us moms and dads that give up so much of ourselves to raise our families ~ and that is good.  The problem occurs when our kids don’t need us so much anymore, and we stay where we have been for the last 18 (or more) years.

That’s sometimes why marriages break up after 20 years or so.  Because the comfort zone can be so boring.  We aren’t meant to be born, go to work, have a family, pay bills, be bored out of our minds and then die.  We are supposed to have a life in there somewhere!

In my case, it was raising a family that got me into my comfort zone ~ and it has been perfect!  That’s exactly what we all needed at the time.  For some of you, you are stuck in a comfort zone because of fear of judgement, or because you think you are different and can’t show your real self, or because you think you can’t afford something different for yourself.

You will never be able to live the life of your dreams from within your comfort zone.  Change is uncomfortable, different is uncomfortable, even wonderful, fantastic, exciting, exhilarating and new are uncomfortable.

What are you going to do to get out of your comfort zone?

 

 

Dare to Be Different

If you are reading this, you are most likely at least a little bit different than certain segments of the population.  You are different than people who don’t believe, or are afraid of alternate dimensions for one.

You might be different than your parents, your religion, your boss, your coworkers, and maybe even different than your neighbours.  You could probably write an almost endless list of all the people that are different than you.  The other ‘soccer moms’, the teachers that teach your kids, the guy you bumped into with your cart while you were at the grocery store, the woman who delivers your mail.

I would like you to consider something though…

BE YOURSELF

BE YOURSELF

If you didn’t Dare to Be Different, would you even know that you are?

We are kind of programmed from a young age to fit in.  Don’t make waves, be like everyone else.  All you need to do is look at the stress levels of people who are trying to be something they aren’t to find proof of this.  Think of the kids in school that are more artistic or energetic than ‘normal’.  They often just get called ‘problem child’ and get put on drugs.

If we weren’t programmed to “keep up with the Joneses” there would be a lot less debt.  If women weren’t programmed to be ‘the same’ as other women they would worry less about their weight and their make-up, and we’d have a lot less ‘duck faces’ out there.  (I’m not saying anything negative here about women’s looks so don’t even go there with me).

So, once again, I ask … How would you even know if you are different, if you don’t dare to share it!

dare different

I just bet, that if you dared to be different, you would find that all of a sudden, you would be surrounded by people just like you!!!

The world is FULL of people that are afraid to “Dare to Be Different”.  Wouldn’t it be nice if your neighbour all of a sudden decided to be “Different”, and after seeing it and talking to them you found out that their “different” was the SAME as yours!!!

We would have less lonely people and friendship communities everywhere!  No one would need to feel left out, because by sharing their different, they would show someone else that they weren’t alone, and had the same “different”!

 

 

No, I will not work for Free, and Neither Should You

This post is for all of you who are self-employed and may have friends or colleagues asking you to work for free.  It is also for those of you who think that I may want to work for free.  It happens.

Do not work for free

I actually have people who email me when they have an opportunity or a challenge in their life and they want to run it by me to get a feeling for the energy of the situation or the people involved.  AND THEY PAY ME ACCORDINGLY.

Their emails are something like this:  “I have this going on…. (and they tell me about the situation), then they will say, thank you, I appreciate your time, let me know what I owe you, AND THEY PAY ME.  (Sometimes I just reply via email and sometimes they would prefer to talk on the phone ~ I have no preference, I leave it up to them).  I connect for them and their situation, and I answer their specific question/issue.

They have usually had a reading with me and we have established a relationship.  They trust me and they respect my insights.  They also respect me as a person and a human that has a mortgage and a business and who likes to have heat and light and food.  They respect my time.  They know I am busy and that I do a lot of appointments and I talk to a lot of people, and that these people pay me for my time.

I came across this FANTASTIC post that I would LOVE to share with you.  It is for all of you that are self-employed, and it is especially for those of you that think professionals have not invested any time and money in themselves, and that they do not have any bills, or need to eat.

Paid for work

The following article was written by Adrienne Graham and posted on Forbes, March 28, 2011.  I am sharing it because I couldn’t possibly say this any better myself…

No, You Can’t Pick My Brain. It Costs Too Much

I love giving advice. I write blogs, articles and a newsletter. I host a radio show. I tweet, Facebook and share nuggets of advice almost daily. So what is it in all of that, that would make anyone think they can still have the right to “pick my brain”?

I can’t tell you how flattering it is to be approached by representatives from major companies seeking my wisdom and advice. It shows they are listening, and like what I have to say.

But often I find the road ends when they are just on a fact finding mission. That mission is to pick my brain to gather as much free intel and knowledge they need to make their jobs easier.

Not gonna happen, sorry. My brain costs money to maintain. There’s training, classes to attend, reading (I have to buy books), gaining certifications, costs of memberships so I can network, attending conferences and mastering my skills that all cost me money.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE

You will need to click through this link to read the rest of this article on “Forbes” because I don’t steal or recycle content from other people, but I will share it if I think it is good.